Hello... I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but this is the only place I can think of to take it....yesterday at work we did our gift exchange...set against a back drop of food....yes, I ate more than I should have. I woke up yesterday morning ravenous from the start, and oatmeal and fruits did nothing to help me. The woman who got my name, her name is Paula. Paula lost a lot of weight recently, and never, ever, lets me forget it. She knows that I am trying, but she gets me home made bread, fudge, chocololate... in the break room I was talking to her as I had lunch ( an unsatisfying salad), when everyone else leaves, she looks at me ( I am sitting w/ my legs crossed), and says " I weigh 135. I haven't weighed that since high school." She is 55. This is not the only time she's mentioned this to me. She makes comments about what I eat or don't eat, what I do or don't do. It really makes me feel like giving up. Why do people do this?
She lost her weight on WW, which works well for her. I can't do it anymore because I am just so burndt out on it. I have lost about ten lbs in the last month, just by watching what I eat. had gone 21 days with out soda or chocolate until yesterday. HOwever, I eat more at work during our holiday thing than I do at family's houses, because I am not at someone's house for 8 hours. Other people gave me chocolate, which I will give to my family or someone else. Aside from Paula, the other woman gives homemade chocolate and candy trays to everyoen every years. THere's not sabotage intended...Paula also got me an issue of O magazine, yarn, knitting needles and a knitting basket..when I got all her presents, I thought, "wow. Maybe I am making too much about this, and I should just calm down,", and then the whole thing happenned in the break room. I normally wouldn't care, but this is going on all the freakin' time, adn I"m having a hard time keeping myself positive.
I have never weighed 135. Not even in high school . Paula is about five five or five six. . I am five seven. I guess I feel so...I don't know..like am I ever going to make it? I would love to weigh 140 something. I'd probably pass out, or the scale would be wrong.
Currently my scale says I weigh 155-157, which would make sense, but deep down, I still think it's wrong. It's touchy about how you stand on it and such, so I have to try it numerous times a morning to make sure there is some consistency to what it says. I am wondering if it is even possible for me to weigh something remotely close to what I'm supposed to, what my liscence says, to be able to stand up and have the light of day shine between my thighs....
The other day my husband and I were watching the RMA's, and the pussycat dolls were on. DH knows a lot about them...adn I doubt it's because of thier music ...they have that song, "Don't cha", I sometimes wonder if he hears it as ," Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me, don't cha wish your girlfriend had an *** like me,....don't cha wish your girlfriend was toned like me, don't cha wish your girlfriend was lithe like me..",
THere are so many girls/women around here who are nothing but skin and bones, no curves to speak of, just angular shoulders and elbows...but I"d rather be that way than I am right now. I'm also a pear shape, so there's no hidin' this *** o mine.
Between all the temptation, and my own internal dialogue..I know that I should see the stories of other people losing as inspirational, but lately, it just seems like it is something everyone else gets except for me.
To give all an idea of what I look like: I am five seven, I wear a 32-32 men's pants usually because I detest tight jeans. If I wear something that is more fitted, I wear a 30-32. With the measuring tape, my measurements are: 37.5-29.5-37.5. I used to think this wasn't too bad, but then I read a post with someone complaining about how big thier butt was, with a measurement of 36...
Counting calories, points, or whatever doesn't work for me. It causes me to get really, really obsessed with what I eat, when I'm going to eat, ect..my life then revolves around food.. What was working for me is trying to eat when I am hungry and not eat when I am not. I know that I should see yesterday as just a set back, a bump in the road, but compounded with how down I am, how self critical I am, and the fact that Paula never fails to mention something to me about how much I weigh vrs her or whatever..it just really gets to me. I'm kind of on autopilot today. Thankfully, the idea of food repulses me right now.
Out--