Okay, here I go. Honestly is the biggest key in any relationship. I know this because I can't tell you how many times my marriage has gone kaput over a few little "white lies".
Tell him that you weigh slightly more than you told him originally, but you are working towards that goal. And then so he knows you are serious about losing the weight tell him how far you've come, he's sure to know that you want to be at his "ideal" weight. And like the other girls said, men have no idea how much weight is from one person to the next. I would tell people how much I weigh and they don't believe me. I would tell them what size my pants are and they don't believe me.
If you don't feel like you can tell him, then that is something that you need to think about going into a relationship, but from what is sounds he is a great guy. I wouldn't kill yourself over a man. Part of the weightloss journey is to realize that you are doing it for yourself.
Everybody is right on the ball here. It comes down to character and whether or not you want to be with someone that will judge you everytime you put on a couple of lbs. IMHO if I were in your shoes I would think long and hard before getting involved with this guy. You have your son to think about as well and I would also consider what type of guy I would want influencing my child. The way men view women is so deeply rooted through childhood and I'm sure you want to raise a caring, loving gentleman who would look beyond a womans curves and not judge someone because they're overweight.
I do know where you're coming from wanting to look good before you meet and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I do think honesty would have been a better foot to start out with if you're truly considering a relationship with this guy. And remember, there are plenty of men out there that would love a woman with a little extra here and there. I truly do know where you're coming from, but I think your goal could be dangerous in such a short amount of time. Keep up what you're doing and take the time before you meet to consider if he truly would be "right" for you.
You say he doesn't like big women, but does he like normal women? Because that's what I would consider you right now. I agree that most men can't tell the difference anyway. When you meet him, he's most likely not going to be looking for how much you weigh. He's going to be looking for shape, muscles and toning, personality, smile, eyes, specifics. He's not going to care about 5 , 10 or 15 extra pounds. He's going to be looking at YOU, whether or not he's attracted to who you are in general, whether you mesh well or not, if you can relate. I know it's easy to focus on losing weight to give yourself the best chance of connecting with him, but attraction is about so much more than that, and two people either have it or they don't.
I worry about you focusing so much on an arbitrary number. I know that you know that losing weight slowly is more healthy, and I know that right now that won't matter to you because you want this to go well. I've been there. My advice would be to focus on working out and being a gym bunny like you said, but with fueling your body frequently with healthy foods so that you can meet him looking healthy and full of vitality. I was shocked at how much one month of weight training changed my shape. People were congratulating me on losing, but I had actually gained 2 lbs from water weight. I lost 5 inches and felt healthy. I think that something like that would give you a boost while still being healthy and not jeopardizing your future losses.
Anyway, it's still really early in the game and you haven't met him yet, so personally wouldn't worry about full disclosure about weight issues yet. If things get more serious then it's important that you're completely honest, but you're still in the early stages. I also disagree that he might not be supportive about these things. He's said that he's not attracted to big women, but if he is attracted to YOU then will he be a supportive guy in general? And how big is his idea of "big" anyway?
Do what you can for now, but don't push yourself beyond what is healthy, and try not to stress about it. Focus on consistency and don't get discouraged. If this guy is as nice as you say he is then I don't think an extra 15 pounds will be an issue.
Star , 10-24-2005 02:18 PM
Hi Amanda,
Well it sounds like to me that you have already given this 'perfect guy' way to much power. He's just a guy, with opinions of his own. First off he said he doesn't like big women. Well all the men that I have known that will admitt to that are truly not attracted to women with any extra weight. Even to the point of only being attracted to very 'thin' women. I guess if you are so buzzed by him and you think he is worth the effort of this 'full speed ahead' approach - then go for it. Maybe he will be great motivation for you. I just don't want you to be upset if you make your weight goal and then it doesn't work out.
I also agree with whoever said, not a good idea to take Jobe on the first date. Why not meet the guy by yourself, get to know him and see if he is worthy of meeting your child. I don't think that is something you can really decide over the internet.
Hope it all works out for you......
Hi Amanda,
I have to agree with what a lot of other people here have said. Sure this guy seems perfect for you except that he doesn't like bigger women. I don't agree with trying to hide your size. Of course continue trying to lose weight and be healthy because that's what YOU want to do, but do it for you, not to please other people. What are you going to do if you two do get together and then it comes up, burn old pictures of yourself where you weigh more? Lie? That's no way to start a relationship. He should love you for you, whatever your size, and you've already given him too much power over you. I hate to say it, we all do, but what if you regain any weight (like someone said, if you have more kids and don't take the prego-weight off easily). There are several women in this 20-somethings forum who've talked about how their marriages are having trouble because their husbands don't like their weight gain.
I also don't think he'll be able to tell the difference between 140 and 150 or so, especially if you're strength training for exercise and not just doing cardio.
Also, I agree that you should get to know this guy in person and make sure he's really good enough for your son before you introduce him.
That is just my humble opinion. Let us know what you decide. We are here for you!
I only have a moment to respond, as I am late for a group meeting at class...but thank you gals A TON! You've really given me a lot to think about. I'm going to be popping on tonight to get caught up and everything (when I actually have time). To make a long story short, I had food poisoning and have been sick for the past 48 hours. I'll update y'all later, and thanks again!!!