You know, I get on my bike and I feel like my buttocks swallow up the seat. It is not that it is uncomfortable for me the seat is just fine. No, my embarrassment is that I am sure it is must be a mighty darn eye sore for anyone approaching from behind. However, I have managed to convince myself that it really doesn't matter what I look like as much as it matters what I am doing to take care of my body. That in and of itself is a big achievement for me, but I continue to fall back into old thinking sometimes. I continue to put myself in situations that are awkward initially but good for me.

So, here it is - me on a bike. I am riding my with little ones for fun and activity. The new male top-notch, fitter than fit, cuter than cute cop that I have just welcomed into my neighbourhood just happens to be driving up my street (yes, behind me) as I venture out. I always leave the house with the tiny prayer of "Dear God, please don't let me run into anyone I know". Usually, I am lucky but not today. So, after I do the friendly wave I turn around to my darling daughter who is riding just a little way behind me and ask (stupid move) "Honey, how does Mommy look from behind when she is on her bike?" My little one in all her beautiful mom-taught honesty says "Just horrible Mommy, but - it is not about how you look, it is about what you are doing for your body". How about that? Out of the mouth of babes. Who cares how it looks, do it for yourself.

I did have fleeting thoughts of - gee, I wonder what this gentleman thought. I do hope it was something like "good for her, she is out there and getting fit". However, I think it was probably more like "good golly, was it a plane, a train? No, my god, it was a big wide a**". Oh, the humiliation of it all. I must say though, I have had so many good giggles over this with my friends. We have gotten into all sorts of story telling of awkward or embarrassing moments, and it almost has made this embarrassing situation worth it. But geez, couldn't it have been the guys wife??? Anyway, gotta run. I am off for a bike ride and I don't care who I see (I do, but maybe if I keep telling myself this someday I won't!!).

LOL that is funny. You have the right attitude about it too.

She does! Good for you! You are going to peddle that bum right off!!!

LOL, gotta love kids for thier honesty :-) Good for you getting out there and doing it! I'm still hiding at home on the eliptical trainer when I would love to be out and running.

Oh, your too funny. And you know, he really was probably thinking "good for her"

My moment came today when my 4 year old told me that my butt was bigger than my husbands...no, not bigger (he clarified) wider. What do you say to that???

I'd say your sweet little one has learned well from her smart mama! Good job! And good for you for getting out there and enjoying yourself regardless of how you may look while doing it. Now that's a NSV if I've ever seen one!

Beverly

You go, girl! *grins* He's probably pleased you're out there working away at it and having fun. I get nothing but encouragement from the folks I see when I'm out riding. For me, I KNOW my butt is huge... but when I truly feel awkward is when I'm stopping or starting, and have to get half-down off the seat. But I'm getting better at it.

"My moment came today when my 4 year old told me that my butt was bigger than my husbands...no, not bigger (he clarified) wider."

This one made me chuckle, but there's a good answer. "Mommies usually have wider hips and butts than Daddies. It's how we're made, so babies have room to grow." Men are shaped, in general, like a triangle with the point down. Women are more of an hourglass.

Man, I can tell you what I think when I see a larger sized person on a bike, I want to do that but I'm too much of a wuss!! We sit in the park and see all kinds of bikers, of all sizes and ages, and I don't hear or see anybody making negative comments about any of them.

I get the feeling from myself and from friends, learning to be less self conscious in public is something people of all sizes struggle with. I'd bet most times when I'm thinking "how does that person see me," s/he is probably thinking "how do I look?"

Well said Marge - I couldn't agree more! It's the same with swimming - even the slimmest person thinks everybody is looking at them when the fact is, everyone is too busy worrying about their own hang ups!

Good for you Jenaya!

Love Amanda x

Amanda and Marge...Thank you for that reframe, you are absolutely right. I never thought of it that way but people are probably thinking and reflecting on themselves verses analyzing others (or I sure hope so). What makes me think I am so special that people would stop and focus on me. Kind of egocentric thinking. I am self conscious of how my body looks and I am not on the outside what I feel I should be from the inside - if that makes sense. No one could ever judge me any harsher than I already judge myself.

I do have a little update - I did have the opportunity of seeing this gentleman in our neighbourhood again today. I was walking this time and he again was driving. So you see, I may be fat but at least I'm fit (or trying to be). Everytime I see him, he is driving! There we go, feel remotely better now (chuckle!!). It is my own issue of being intimidated by fit people and feeling like such a failure for letting myself get so unhealthy and out of shape. But - only one way out and the bike, the kids and the dog are part of my solution. Oh, and consistency, awareness and movement...

Jenaya, yeah! You're one of THOSE PEOPLE now...A fit person. That's great!