My dear Apryl...You do have a lot on your plate, don't you? I think you must sit yourself down and ask yourself if you're involved in so many activities because it satisfies, fulfills and makes you happy, or if you're doing it to convince yourself (and others) of your worth and accomplishments. Its one thing to overachieve because you thrive being under pressure and love having every moment filled to the max, but its another if you feel desperate to take on as much as possible just to prove that you can do it! You're intelligent and mature enough to realize your unique qualities and seem to understand that others have come to the same conclusion. If its too much to handle, keep what you truly value and drop that which you're only doing to prove a point that's already been realized. Panic attacks, misery and dreading the next 173 days are not conducive to a satisfying senior year. Unless you really think things will calm down once the routine sets in, make some changes for the sake of your sanity. Others do, why shouldn't you? You're special, that's for sure, but you're not freakin' Wonder Woman!
You shouldn't feel bad that your friends are pissing you off right now, especially if its justified. While your annoyance with them might be a passing phase, people do change (sometimes over a summer, other times over the course of the year) and you don't have to be with the same people all through highschool! When you get to college no doubt you'll have a whole new set of friends and when you start your career another set. You may stay close to your highschool friends and you may not; shifting friendships is all part of the progression. Who knows, you may find yourself associating with a whole different group during your senior year. I also remember the falling out you had with a previous friend and how it was difficult to see other close friends leave to go to college, so naturally you're feeling especially sensitive about this part of your life. Like Sandi said, spend as much time right now with the one friend you do feel close with and consider widening your circle. In any event, I hope your current friends become less annoying and stop flirting with the guy you've got your eye on (I mean, what's that all about?)
As for your dad, unless and until I have reason to do otherwise, I'm going to cut him some slack. A lot of older people look back at highschool as an enjoyable carefree time of their youth before the reality of mortgage and car payments, finding (or fearing the loss of) employment, marital/family responsibilities and obligations, etc., so it doesn't occur to them that problems could possibly exist. Others remember how stressful it was trying to make good grades, competing for university placements, coping with the often cruel highschool social system, trying to juggle school, part-time work, friends, changing theories and ideas about your life and planning your future (such big decisions!), all while going through physical and emotional changes (including hormones gone crazy)! The fact that your dad said you have so many plans you don't even notice he's not home leads me to believe that he sees a confident, mature young woman who is moving away from him and towards a life of her own. If his perception of you is as a happy senior "with straight A's, student body president, editor of the school newspaper, treasurer of national honor society, well accomplished and well respected" and you've been putting on your "game face" with him thus far, he's probably unaware that you're in need and totally perplexed as to why you're annoyed that he's spending time with his girlfriend! Having said that, if you HAVE told him you're struggling and need his help and he's rebuffing you, then yes, he's being insensitive, selfish and an irresponsible parent.
You need to REALLY make him listen and since it feels difficult to talk right now, write him one of your eloquent letters telling him what you're feeling and how you need his help. I bet he'll be surprised to know what's going on with you and will immediately give you time and attention. As for him having a girlfriend, I'm happy for him. Its not easy being a single parent and he has needs, too. Love doesn't only belong to the young. His girlfriend might not only be good for him, but may prove to be someone you can eventually turn to for support and encouragement.
About the fear of letting people down, the only person you're letting down is you by putting too many expectations on yourself. Those who care about you want only for you to be happy ~ its your life and you have to live it, nobody else!
We all set up paths for ourselves and some of us are able to follow a straight paved road, while others go off into the woods, stumble over rocks, get lost for awhile or go in a different direction entirely. You don't want to hear this, but the clear ideas you set up for yourself as a teenager may change drastically as you grow in age and experience. ****, some of my paths (academic, career, marital, motherhood) changed many times over the decades since I was a teenager. Nothing's carved in stone, my dear. Follow your heart and do what's best for YOU.
Weight loss is especially difficult to manage when you're stressed by what's going on around you. Weight loss takes desire, planning, motivation, and a clear head in addition to control. Perhaps rather than punishing yourself, you're actually feeling overwhelmed and turning to food for comfort (something most of us are very familiar with). Yes, weight-loss is something you alone control, but if you're in an "out of control" mindset because of everything else that's going on in your life it makes it rather difficult to contemplate control in one specific area of your life. Keep in mind that good, healthy food and lots of exercise does wonders to lift our mood and allow us to feel more able to cope with our world.
Please don't ever think we expect "yahoo life is perfect" posts from you. Obviously we prefer and dearly hope for posts of that nature, but ultimately we want the truth and we want you to be around as much as possible, especially when you need our collective shoulders to cry on and the comfort of a couple of hundred arms around you!