Claire, I'm doing ok -- thanks for asking! I am feeling a little more energetic today, and have done some stuff that signifies "the end" of this chapter. I put away about 15 prescription bottles -- a corner of my kitchen counter has been like a pharmacy, or a druggist, as you might say! I replaced them with vitamins and supplements -- all of them verboten while in treatment. I organized my weights and dusted off my Cross Bow (like a Bow Flex, not an archery weapon!) I even faced out all my exercise DVDs so they're readily accessible when I'm ready. Can you tell I'm mentally ready??
Yesterday I took a very leisurely walk around the neighborhood with Lorraine and my pup Louie -- it was about 15 minutes of pleasure and then thank God we were home! I had to rest for a few minutes before walking up my 6 front steps.
Thanks to the chemo regimen, my lungs are shot, my heart is in all likelihood damaged, and my leg muscles are for crap -- but damned if it doesn't look like I kicked some cancer ***!
Oh well, better off fighting the enemy you know.
Baby steps, though, right? I am told I should be ready to return to work in 2 months, begin to feel much closer to normal in 6 months, and then ultimately return to something close to my pre-treatment levels in a year. I just need to keep reminding myself of that as I'm pushing myself to workout for 9-10 hours a week.
As for the whys of your occasionally giving up control and making unhealthy decisions -- well of course only you would know the answer to that -- but know you're not alone! Sadly, most humans are guilty of this in one form or another -- this unfortunate phenomenon is not limited to just those struggling to lose weight, as we all know. Look at all the cheaters, the liars, the repeat felons, the irresponsible patients, the smokers and other addicts
and the rest!
Getting back to you, though, Claire, it could be that you don't feel you deserve to achieve success, or that you are afraid of what might happen if you actually achieved it. Or it could be simply that you're bored! Or you're sick of this being such a focus in your life! Or maybe you're occasionally lazy and the organization, the preparedness, the constantly saying, "No thank you" and all the rest of it just becomes too much at times. Who the **** knows? The important thing now is not that you answer the whys, but instead quicken your reaction time. Of course it's important to sort out the root cause of the slip-ups (that's part of the process of becoming healthy inside and out) -- but in the meantime you want to continue to move forward. Just as you have, through
40 pounds!!! And just as you did yesterday, when you turned it around and reclaimed control. Just to know you can do that is power, don't you think?
I think you're awesome, Claire -- and I'm so glad you're still here.
I'll be needing you when I'm getting back in the saddle myself!