Hi,
this post is probably to clear my "mind's registry", or to defragment it.
I'm a 20 year old man with dieting problems, that should be weird or rare, there aren't many male binge eaters with my age (teen) actually knowing it and trying to get rid of it for 5 years. Guys say I'm just like a woman, always eating green stuff and dieting, but not only, I became "picky" everytime I go to the store to buy some food.... I even take 2 hours to buy some pants! That's because I try to find the best clothes to hide my fat.
Unlike many other binge eaters I KNOW I have a problem and I don't hide it from my family or friends. And I don't understand how can people can binge at night...that would be **** for me...having calories traveling through my body and I can't go exercise to the gym to burn them, I'm saying this 'cause I'm reading posts with people that binge at night all the time.
It all started when I was 14 or 15 years old, when some girls said something like "who would date a whale?!" to me. It was like a shock, a big trauma to know that my body was the problem. At the time I would look myself at the mirror and see myself and only...but after that incident I could only see my body trapped in a big, fluffy and ugly layer that could not be removed so easily.
My 15 yr-old body used to weight some impressive 242 pounds.
My breakfast used to be one or two big salad cups of chocolate or honey cereals and milk. My lunch would be 2 BigMacs, a cheese burger, a BIG coke, and their respective fried chips with a sundae to clean up the salt in my mouth. Later I would eat and big yogurt with a tablet of chocolate mixed with it....and dinner would be meat with rice, big portions of course.
Well, these are some impressive 6435 BAD calories (more or less), completly out of vegetables or fruit.
Haha, I still remember myself saying in my first year of dieting, "I'll eat only a BigMac and coke, I gotta loose weight!"....well....YEAH....it was an impressive evolution! I think I lost 20 pounds with that....but that would be a joke to me now :P
Next 2 years I added exercise to my diet (true exercise). I would do half an hour of running everyday or cycling. I lost more 20 pounds slowly. No food change.
Then after some more 20 pounds, people started to say that I looked "nice".....but I kept telling myself "yeah right! wait to see me naked!".
Obviously it would be "nice" COMPARED to what I WAS...not compared to other "normal" guys.
I was starting to like the fact that I could do it, that I was being successful in my diet, I was becoming too ambitious, I want to be REAL slim....I don't wanna see FAT again in my body, I wanna seel muscle!, I wanna be a real sexy man! So I started to cut on food...truly...
My diary intake would be:
--Breakfast: One or 2 apples. (60-120 kcal)
--Lunch: Salad and vegetables (raw..)....and for protein always "cooked" fish or meat (80 grams) and a bit of rice (250-360 kcal)
--4 hours later Snack: 1 bread and 1 cup of Light Milk (150-230 kcal)
--Dinner: Soup (50 kcal)
Here it is......impressive.....700 kcal daily....I did it! I can hold!
yeah right...
After 3 months...I weighted 185 pounds......I look truly slim with my clothes on....but......why am I not satisfied? why do I keep on dieting? That's because what I have lost was muscle! some fat...but especially muscle....and even if I look "alright" with my clothes on, I look horrible naked, I still have that jumping fat on my belly...it's like pudim moving over some bones...
And I think I know why people become anoretic, because the fat still lives after months of suffering, and all our body "eats" is muscle but we don't know it...we just keep on going. So I had 2 choices, or to become anoretic....or to do something else? What else did I do? I searched for help on the internet, I started to gather alot of false and true information, so then I found some website telling something about bulimia and eating disorders. After all the reading I understood something "you gotta eat to loose weight" I needed muscle to burn my calories faster while I'm on "resting mode", I need muscle to eat the remaining fat. So I tried to eat normally again, but I didn't know what kind of food do "normal people" eat, so I ate some bread and fruits to see the results. The results were laziness and impotence. And I asked myself "WHY?!, I eat more than before and I'm tired?!". Of course....bread and fruits are basically carbohydrates and no protein....which is what muscle need to build itself. I was kinda vegetarian at the time...so I got fat from the carbohydrates I ate because I couldn't do much on the gym. And then the big drepression of my life came, I gained back 25 pounds, it was like working for a year and when you are about to get paid you get nothing, and worst! you gotta pay!.....
I started to go crazy, nothing made sense to me anymore, suicide was a good option....I just didn't go out anymore, afraid of people looks.....I couldn't stand being stared.....it's like i'm reading their thoughts...."look at that fat guy"....."why don't you start a diet dumbass? haha".......I think **** would be more confortable. My initial objective was to be more atractive, well I had a girlfriend when I was in my "happy period", I looked nice and stuff but.....during this "**** period" I broke up with her because of the hatred I had on myself. My objective wasn't to be atractive anymore, I wanted to beat Nature itself.
So during the "**** period" I was at home all day except when I go to the gym...which is right next door (convenient huh?), it's like my basement, I wouldn't be seen outside. And while I'm at home I searched for a solution on the internet, getting to know all the metabolism secrets, why dieting is bad and never works out, what kind of food will be good for me without getting myself fat. I also failed that year at school (because of the stress of the diet) and I only had to go twice a week for an hour to school, so I tried harder on my diet everyday before class so I wouldn't look bad (like that would make any diference). So that "**** year" would be like a hiatus of my normal life. I said STOP....and declared war to FAT, nothing more matters...but FAT.
This **** ended when I went out of town on vacations to visit my mother. I stayed for 2 months at her house near the beach. I was against it, because I would be apart from my beloved "gym". Well, I lost 20 pounds during the visit. When I came back I wouldn't believe my eyes. I even ate normal food like everyone.......and I lost 20 pounds?! what the **** is going on?!
Well, here is where truth comes and say "hello", it is all about what you do.
The diference from my house and and my mother's was the fact that I ate the same quantity of food during the day, I mean, I didn't eat more in the morning or less in the evening....I just ate what my body needed, unconsciously. Why unconsciously? because I had something to do...I went out everyday with my friends to the pool or beach, to the movies, or just for a walk without thinking about food. Why did this happen? I couldn't stop thinking about food before? what happened to change my mind?!........I got myself occupied with interesting stuff, stuff that I like to do....and unconsciously......I was starting to feel satisfied with a "normal" portion of food because I ate the same quality through the day to keep the sugar levels at a nice rate. And unlike before, I move! I use alot the verb "to do"....and not just sitting all day at home and going to gym 2 hours per day.
So basically, what happened was that I had my sugar levels constant thanks to equal portions of food thourgh the day so I would never reach the "big hunger hour"....AND I got myself occupied, I changed my way of life completly, not only exercising HARD at a certain time of the day, but all the time with normal activity, now I know why WALK is the best exercise of all! Don't get tired and get slim as you watch the landscape.
Ok, I found the way, wow! so excited! I'm gonna do it!
But when I get back I realize that there isn't much to do, no excuses to make myself move, no nice beaches to walk or any friends that would like to do it, no pools to swim everytime I need to refresh myself. Just back to my house where I go out twice a week for school. A good thing, my energy was boosted and I can run longer in the gym, more weights and everything, I was heathier for sure. But still, if I keep myself locked in my house for 12 hours during day I will gain it all back for sure. So I started to make little changes, like instead of taking elevators I'll go by stairs...instead of going by car to school, I walk 2 kilometers, so that would be 4 kilometers. Instead of watching stupid shows on TV, try to get an excuse to go out, go shopping, instead of putting dishes on the washing machine, I wash it myself.....etc.
Another good thing, I was feeling completly diferent about food, I only thought of food when I was actually hungry, not TOO hungry, but hungry enough. I don't hold my hunger anymore, I eat what I want, every 3 or 4 hours AND, unlike before, I actually reach a point where I say to myself "I don't want to eat more". I used to be hungry all the time, no matter if I ate or not, I was hungry, it was like the cable that connected the metabolism system to my brain was unplugged.
Today, I feel good and normal, even though I haven't reached my objective weight yet, i'm 180 pounds and I should be 175, and I don't feel bad about it.
Don't worry binge eaters out there, just follow my advices, and expect some errors in the beginning, but they will fade slowly as soon as your body goes back to "normal mode" and not "starving mode". Try to eat normally though the day, and when out of the table, forget about food and get yourself occupied, go and have fun, do something!
If you need an example, I'll give you my normal intake through the day:
Breakfast: 1 cup of milk and 2 slices of bread with a slice of cheese and tomato and lettuce.
An hour before lunch: One or 2 apples or oranges, do not mix.
Lunch: 2 big spoons of rice or pasta with fish or meat, and salad or vegetables (eat those first and slowly). Eat until you feel you don't need more, and not until you are full.
2 or 3 or 4 hours later (snack 1): you can have 1 or 2 snacks before dinner (not too close). For example: One yogurt or two 0% FAT Yogurts, wait 10 minutes, if you still hungry try one bread with cheese.
(snack 2): add your favorite snack here, only if you are going to workout (or you have already done it). Be moderated and eat it slowly, eat it with all your senses. (you can't select a very fatty or with too much sugar foods, if it has to be try to eat a smaller portion)
Dinner: before the main dish eat a vegetable soup -not triturated so you can chew and not drink- and add more water than usual to fill up your stomach.
Now eat the same as lunch but alternating meat and fish. Remember to stop eating when you are not hungry. Don't eat just because it is there, eat if you need it.
If you don't feel hungry at night, drink a hot green tea without sugar from time to time, so it can clean up your body and hydratate. I know it tastes bad without sugar but the results are very nice, your anxiety reduces, you will feel it in the morning.
HoowooW.......ok....done....i cleaned up my mind :P