CHRISNUKAH MEMO
Subject: Major Merger
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions,
it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and
Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in
the works for about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that
the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of
Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality
service during the 15 Days of Chrisnukah, as the new holiday is being
called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking
being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the
letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by
Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,” the
message on the dreidel will be the more generic “Miraculous stuff
happens.” In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use
Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and
delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up
the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether
Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after
having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos
were finally declared to be kosher. All sides appeared happy about
this development except for Santa's dentist. He then closed the press
conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of Oy, Come
all Ye Faithful.
