Hello everyone! I have been reading on this site for a little while now, just to see if this was the place for me. In reading about your struggles, triumphs and inpirational stories, I feel I can relate so very, very well to everyone here. Forgive me while I tell my story....
I am 22 and for most of my life I was a skinny girl. I was a ballerina, thin tall, graceful, eating anything and everything I could to keep my body healthy while dancing at least 6 hours a day every day and going to school. Then I got hurt...Dreams shattered in little pieces all around me, I was told I could never dance again, I was devestated. I was still thin, and still eating whatever I wanted, I graduated high school, got a job and had a great life. I never really noticed I was getting heavier, a size 9 is no big deal, but when a few months ago you were a 4...I guess it WAS a problem... Then I was a 12, then a 16...then up and up and up. I moved to SC to be with my fiance(Now my hubby), and we got "fat" together. I am now in a size 26, and have just realized I'm fat... Let me tell ya'll what a shock that was. I just never saw it, I was in total denial. But when I went to my Dr. recently for some other health problems, he put me in my place big time... I need to lose the weight, or I'll be in serious trouble. All my family is big, my dad was at 415lbs at one point, until he got sick, and was forced to get rid of the weight, or die... My mom, bro and sis are all large too, its just the way we are... But I'm the worst. Its awful...I feel like such an ogre, I cant stop eating... I eat even when I'm not hungry, "Bored Eating" is my biggest problem. "Well, there isn't anything else to do so I'll eat these chips...the whole bag..." I have started walking on my very dusty treadmill, and am doing ok...but only 10 minutes and I feel like collapsing...Its embarassing for me to walk in our neighborhood...I'm very shy, and the thought of people laughing at me just makes my stomach turn. I need some support/help, I'm afraid if I don't change I'll end up like my Dad. My hubby tells me he loves me no matter how I look, and that he thinks I'm beautiful, and thats nice, but its not very helpful. I have tried to diet on my own before before, but he won't diet, and thats the hardest part. I'll be having a grilled chicken breast and veggies, while he eats a Big Mac and large fries. I've begged him to diet with me, but he doesn't think he has a problem, and thats ok, if he is comfortable with himself, I'm ok with it... But he doesn't realize how hard it is to be good while hes being so very, very bad... I'm sorry I went on so long...But I feel like I finally have people who will understand my struggle, and who will help me and be with me thru all the ups and downs...
CW: 267 (my highest)
MiniGW: 250
GW: 145