i feel pretty sick right now, with both a stomachache and a headache, so i apologize if im not coherent..

i just finish binging again, and it really makes me feel really really depressed. Eating really makes me feel a lot better at that point of time and takes my mind off the other things that's bothering me. But after that, i just feel a whole lot worse bcos i know that i've gained a lot more weight when im suppsoed to be losing weight. i took laxatives for a period of time, even though i knew it wouldnt help. I was fooling myself that it would help me lose weight.

why am i saying all this? it's just that even though i know all this, i still cant move, cant stand up and get myself to exercise on my own and lose weight. i really feel helpless and the worse i feel, the more i want to eat to take my mind off of it.

I wish i could just get myself away to some deserted place for a few months where i'll make sure i'll lose weight and come back thin and pretty and happy.

I heard someone in OA refer to that as "the geographical cure." The thing with geographical cures is that they don't work. Whatever we're dealing with (or, more often than not, NOT dealing with) internally is going to follow us no matter where we go. There was a country song once upon a time..."You can't run from yourself."

Don't dwell on today's binge. It's over...nothing can change it (especially not laxatives or purging).

Come see us at 12step4COEs.org

Jennelle