I need the thoughts of someone who can be completely objective, because I certainly don't have that ability right now.
I'm so unhappy with my life right now. I don't like myself much, I hate my weight, I was doing so well on south beach but have fallen off the wagon and can't seem to get my a$$ in gear again, but most of all I am so unhappy with my job.
In my job in a hospital lab, there is one manager, and 7 supervisors. I am one of the supervisors. The areas in this department are all quite different from each other, in terms of their complexity and number of staff. By complexity I'm talking about the types of procedures performed and the amount and type of automation (automated machines that do the work).
Each supervisor oversees one area, with one exception.....me. In their " infinite wisdom", the powers-that-be (one of whom is my manager) decided to consolidate a couple of the areas together several years ago when some major changes were taking place. The two areas that were consolidated were the two most complex, highly-automated areas of the lab, which also happen to be the areas that do the highest volume of specimen testing. These two area are very distinct from each other in terms of what is done in the area and the type of instrumentation (machines). I am the supervisor of the consolidated areas.
Most of the other supervisors oversee managable numbers of the staff....2, 4, 5, 7, 10. I supervise 44. (One other supervisor has about 50 people, but that is a non-testing area of the lab, all they do is collect blood, so she only has to deal with staff and not all of the complexities of the testing, equipment, regulations, etc).
I work more hours than any of the other supervisors. Two of them only work 32 hours a week, and the others put in their 40 and that's it.
So, I supervise the busiest, most complex area of the lab, and a huge number of staff. I can't keep up, and am so far behind that it's impacting my staff, my area, and my job. It's gotten to the point where some of my staff are starting to complain that I don't get things done. My stress level is through the roof, I have chest pains and headaches all the time, I'm so overwhelmed that I can't think straight.....and all of this is helping me to get even further behind because it's impacting my ability to function. This job is not good for me....I want to cry all the time, I wonder if I'm depressed.
I used to be good at my job, but I'm not good now, not with all that I have to do and all that I am responsible for, and I hate this!! I hate this!!
I've talked to my manager before, I want this area split back into the two areas that it should be, but so far she won't do it. I have a meeting scheduled this Friday with my manager and Human Resources. The purpose of the meeting is to "brainstorm" ways to make this job easier and more managable for me. I have no idea what they will come up with, but right now the only option that will make me happy is to split the job, and my manager has already pretty much told me not to count on that.
I'm seriously thinking about quitting. I stayed home from work today, to think. I'm debating if I should tell them that I can't stay unless the job is split.....if I do that I need to be prepared to quit, because they very likely will say no.
I don't know how to do anything else. There is no other hospital in town. There are a couple of small clinics but they are not looking for help right now. Moving away is not an option right now, I want to stay close to my Mom, who lives in a small town about 40 miles from me. She's alone, and has some health problems, and I just want to be here for her. And staying at this hospital lab in another capacity won't work, I couldn't do that.
I'm looking at my retirement fund. I have enough money in there that I could pay off my house and all other bills, and live without working for a year or two. In that time frame something should open up (and if it doesn't.....I don't know). I don't know if I want to spend that money now (I'd lose quite a bit for penalties for taking it before retirement age), but on the other hand if this job kills me the money won't do me any good either. Is this a stupid thing to be thinking about?? If you'd care to share your objective thoughts, I'd be happy to hear them. And please be brutally honest, that's why I'm posting this, as hard as it was for me to write this.