Thank you for starting this, Kathleen.

I've had a rough week. Missing Elvira. I keep thinking I here her coming down the hallway. I keep thinking I need to give her my leftovers. I found her doggie treats in my bedroom. It's just been hard.

Plus it's hot here today. Plus I can't drive yet. I'm just antsy and in a bad mood.

I'll try to post again soon.

Support in life's ups and downs is a wonderful idea. I am now a full time unpaid carer with little to no real time support so it is often hard to look after myself as well.

Today is a good day. The sun is shining. All is going well with the person in my care role.

I'm about to turn in. Sweet dreams, everyone.

Thank you Kathleen for starting the September thread

Lisa- oh gosh how I remember those feelings, right after we lost Eddie. of course you keep expecting to see her around every corner, you think "oh it's time to feed her" and on and on It sucks so much, it is the one drawback as someone else said. And I saw on the news how the West Coast is having the most horrendous heat wave!! so sorry my friend, hang in there

TREEMBBS Hi and !!! You are so smart to try to find positives, like the sun is shining. Hope you can visit more and we can get to know you!

Pat - thinking of you my friend!

Thank you for the welcome and for the thread I believeinme

I love the rainbow in your welcome VermontMom. Thank you. Also the fact that you ride (I presume if you own?) a motorbike. One of my sons does specs for Honda Bikes and mowers and one of his baby daughters (not yet 2) has a Harley rocker - she can do dare devil stunts on it!

Lisa sad to hear you have lost a pet. I still miss my black cat after 6 years - she has left her hair trail though behind the curtains I must say.

Spring has sprung here which can cut through the Covid gloom (we are in 2nd lockdown here)

TREEMBBS oh gosh it will be interesting for us to have someone who is on the other side of the equator/continent! so you just got thru winter? do you get lots of snow and very cold temps? I am so ignorant about other countries. I am glad Spring is arriving for you!! and very glad you joined us here. Hope to get to know you!

How has Covid affected you, what are your area's limitations? In my state (Vermont) we have to wear a mask in public and stay 6 feet apart whenever possible. Lodging and restaurants may have guests but at only 50% capacity and seat 6 feet apart. Many of our small businesses have gone under and my summer/fall job was cancelled. And I had to severely adapt my organization's summer fund raiser and completely change our winter fundraiser plans.

I am sorry you are still grieving for your kitty, it is so hard to lose them!

And yes I have a motorbike, a Honda! a nice big one, 1300 cc's .have been riding my own for almost 20 years now.

Hello Lisa, and Kathleen, and Pat

Ladies, I had my first colonoscopy this morning They did find 5 polyps, removed them and will let me know the status in a couple weeks. But so far the Doctor said I don't have to have another one for probably another 5 years. thank goodness for that!!! I was hoping to be all clear and not have another for 10 years though. But having gone thru it once, I will remember some things for the future!

It is very hot again here today! but I know I should hang onto these summery days , knowing what is coming!!

Vermont Mum sooner you than me with the colonoscopy - not nice I don't think though thankfully haven't needed to have one.


It is the start of spring here. Where we live we can get snow 3 or 4 times a year but it is a big event when it happens and everyone takes photos. We go from cold, cold winter to summers like California with bush fires.

There are snow fields in Australia but only winter for skiing. Most of Australia is hot and dry, or up the top end is hot and humid.


Where I live in Australia is the worst state for 2nd Covid wave. In the city they have stage 4 lockdown with a curfew (can't go out except for work after 8 - soon to be 9pm) Retail and hospitality is going under. Masks are mandatory and social distancing, 4 reasons to go out - work, exercise (was an hour will soon be 2) care giving and medical appointments. Where I live in the regional area we have stage 3 lockdown for the 2nd time, nearly the same except for the curfew. Again businesses are going bust and people are suffering. No camping, holidays or social movement whatsoever. In other states of Australia things are better but many borders have been shut to the states having the most covid cases. It is pretty awful really, very depressing.


But today (again) the sun is shining, it is warm and lovely outside.

I'm sorry I haven't posted much. It's been hard. I'm so quiet.

Lisa - Yes it was so wonderful to hear from you and you were giving such great description of how you days were. but of course we know you were hit so hard with the passing of your beloved furry forever friend. I look forward to when you feel like talking again my friend!!!

TREEMBBS wow thank you for that great description of what your area of Australia is like! you said hot and dry, do you get enough rain for things to get green and to have gardens for veg and flowers? (forgive my ignorance if that is a silly question ) and the Covid situation is just so horrible isn't it!! Here in the States, each State is allowed to "do it's own thing" which I think is CRAZY!!! there are states that allow huge gatherings and HOW is that helpful to the rest of us who are following masking and social distance??? and not going to our usual parties or such. It stinks!!

Onto my own little world of problems. I don't know how to tell you how our household clutter and disorganization affects me, except to say it truly hurts my soul and I feel so hopeless and helpless and yes, almost suicidal. I have gone ahead and tried my best on rooms or the garage; but my husband does not follow through and do his part. I ask him about specific things and weeks or months could go by. Then I bring it up again and it seems like I'm nagging. I could type more and tell of how impossible it seems to me. OK - we have a 'dining room' it is small but it can accomodate a table and 4 chairs. The top of the table is always covered with husband's ****. small tools/nails, just stuff. There was a desk/hutch in there that made it impossible to sit at the table to eat. I feel like an animal when we take our plates in the living room and sit in there and eat. The desk/hutch was used as my husband as his work area (computer) until he abandoned it and made his work area upstairs. And that is how it was...frackin' abandoned. I ruthlessly went thru and just threw sh*t out. I finally insisted on getting the desk/hutch out of the house. It is now at the top of the driveway for free. It can stay there til it rots!! i'm just glad its out of the house. Now that I can see that wall it looks horrible. Old wallpaper that was there when we moved in 30+ years ago!! I don't know how to treat walls to fix them. The kitchen needs a new floor. One has to get everything OUT before you can deal with the floor. There is an old washing machine in there that we never use and needs to come out. I have to NAG and REMIND and bring these things up and they are usually met with resistance like "I would but my head is splitting and I have a migraine" or "everyhting hurts in my body" or "I feel rotten today, I'll work on it on my day off". Well if you took care of yourself somewhat maybe you could do more!!!

ug and I just have to go on. About the washer - I said we should just load it in the mini van and take it to the dump. He says 'but someone might want it. Isn't that better than just throwing it out?" But then you have to list it for sale somewhere, be willing to have someone come look it, etc. And there was a reason we stopped using it , it did'nt work!! how is someone going to want that?? His response - "some people like to fix things". GAH

One more P.S. from me, I am not suicidal, i should not have said that. I am more...hopeless feeling. sorry to worry anyone. I really don't think I could fatally harm myself. i was just exasperated right then and venting.

Hi Holly (is that OK to call you that?)

I feel you re the clutter and disorganization. I have trouble with that too. Sorry you are feeling a bit hopeless about it.

My H is quite immobile (long, sad story) and I have to do everything inside and out and care for him as well. I still help run a family business on top though my roles have eased a little re that.


What I have learned. Nothing is EVER going to be perfect inside or out. I don't turn a blind eye (because like you I can't) but I understand that there are pressing chores that must be done each day, then if you can fit in a little bit of declutter time somewhere that is a bonus.

It is tough when there are 2 in the home and the other person doesn't follow through or want to proactively help. I have also learned that resentment isn't a healthy emotion - If you have corners that are specifically yours work on them and H may get the hint that he is the one holding back the chance of having a more organized living space.


Yes, we can grow a garden where I am. We have plenty of rain at times of the year when things need to get started. Summers can be dry though.


Hello Lisa. Quiet but visible, that is OK

TREEMBBS - yes please do call me Holly and you gave wonderful thoughtful insightful consult. I meant to ask you about your situation when you first introduced yourself, that you were a sole caregiver with no support which must be SO VERY HARD!!! If it helps, please do talk to us about that (or not, if it bothers you! I just know myself it has helped when I have typed out my anger and frustration here )

And I have researched online, advice from others about the situation and all of them say the same as you...that I need to let go (or simmer down) the resentment and just work on what I can, on "my" stuff, then he might follow along? However if I am the tidy one, I do not have messy places myself, they are all shared. I am not trying to put down the advice, just that it doesnt' quite fit my situation. However I am calmer today (thank goodness one of my mantras is "tomorrow might be better") and I am going to do exactly what you and Lisa have said, just go for an area that I can deal with and that will give me some quick gratification.

I have been searching Indeed.com for local jobs and found possibly 2 that I will try for, for the winter. however I need to state that I am not available until October 1st..that is only a date I picked in my mind, that I have told husband that I know I need to go back to work, yet I want us to continue on the work at home, which is close to impossible when I work full time. And now is when I have all the free time in the world yet I am constricted because he is not as 'gung ho' as me ugh!

Hi to Lisa, Kathleen, Pat!!