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I'm so sorry to read how you're struggling just now . I am really echoing what others have said, but I can understand why you are feeling so emotional right now - this will be the first time you've stopped in ages, that's always when people catch a cold (like you did last week) and now you have time for the emotions to bubble up. Kathleen has a great suggestion for journalling, sometimes that can be really helpful. And why not go out to the local gay bar, what do you have to lose? We don't meet new people by sitting home on the couch, do we? Please let us know how you get on. It's natural to think about exes sometimes, but I'm so sorry you are still struggling after so long.
I hope you have a fab 50th next week!]
Coop, man you all are so smart. This is the first time I've stopped in months, things are starting to calm down now. I still have some house stuff to finish but I've got about 90% done. I'm almost there.
I don't get too excited about my birthday, anymore. I'll probably think about my mom a lot on my birthday. Crap, I hope I don't cry too much.
I feel a little better today, not 100% but much better. I ran some errands, got a new drivers license and new tags for the car. I didn't do everything on my list, I get so overwhelmed. Its weird.
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I am so, so very sorry that you are feeling so sad and lonely right now. Being in your new house, as nice as it is, is bound to bring up sad feelings about losing your old house, especially losing it to a house fire! That is really a traumatic event, Lisa! And you were busy, busy, busy from that point on ~ up until now, really. Did you ever allow yourself any time to grieve that loss? You are probably just experiencing some normal letdown, don't you think? Regardless, your feelings are very real and valid and important. Have you tried journaling about the fire? There must be so many feelings swirling around in your mind and heart about it... and about losing the house because of it. Maybe you would benefit from talking to a therapist about it ~ and about your sad and lonely feelings, too, especially if you still haven't gotten over a girlfriend from 2004. That is a long time to hold onto that pain. Have you ever journaled about that relationship? Even if you have, it might help to try it again. It seems to me that it is a good sign that you are considering going to the gay bar and putting yourself back out there again. I say go for it! I just want you to get some relief and be as happy as you possibly can! Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa! Hang in there!
Thanks
Kathleen,
You all are so kind. You are right about not stopping much the last few months. Even when I lived with Jennifer, I was stressed out so much. It was an awful time, not knowing when/if the fire nightmare was ever going to end.
I am going to start getting out more. At least, a couple times a week, I'll go socialize. I'm sure that will make me feel better. I've actually been to this bar before so I know a couple of people there. It'll be nice to go back.