Eating myself to death

  • Hello, my name is Samantha. I apologize for the dark title of this post but, it's true. I'm 27 years old and I weigh 353 lbs. I was diagnosed with heart disease, hypertension and heart failure in March of 2014. Now I can hardly walk from the livingroom to the kitchen without getting out of breath. I'm extremely overweight and I'm so unhealthy that I could die from something I could have prevented. My love for food is a disease. It's a sickness and it disgusts me. I feel so hungry nearly all of the time. And when I'm not hungry i still eat because I'm bored, or just because food tastes good. I have no willpower and I don't know how to change, but I know I need to. When I eat I feel so guilty, but I just can't seem to stop. i never feel like it's enough. Now that my rant is over... a little more about me. I'm somewhat of a geek, I love cartoons, video games board games and card games. I play rpgs and mmos as well. I hate sports and most physical activity because it causes me discomfort and pain. I like to draw, listen to music watch tv and movies and i like to paint.
  • Hi Samantha,

    (((Lots of hugs))))
    I know it is hard to open up about struggles we face and i am so happy you found this place. We all start somewhere. I am here too for my health, and thought it would be impossible. Small changes lead to amazing things. I started with just drinking more water, then small changes to my diet. Just a few weeks in i feel alot better when i wake up and my mood is much more stable. I am sure more people will reach out to you.
    It sounds like you have a lot of interesting interests! I am not artistic at all, but i do enjoy a good book and listening to all sorts of music.

    I hope to see more posts from you.


    We are stronger than we think.
  • I had gotten up to 292.4 lbs. earlier this year....my knees hurt. I joined a club and began walking in the pool there. It is common to see people walking in a pool who cannot swim. I would encourage you to try to join something like this. I agree with Opine, small changes will accomplish much. Best wishes!
    Emmy
  • Small changes are the way to go. We all have our struggles, well done for opening up. Maybe a therapist could help too.

    I know exercise hurts and is not something you like, but some level of exercise is going to be needed to get back to a normal healthy life. The suggestion of stuff in a pool is a great idea. Or start with a simple small wal, even if just to the letter box every day. Take your time, enjoy the sunshine or the rain and just enjoy the being out taking time out, or listen to a favourite song or podcast. You never need to join crossfit or run a marathon, but walking is essential to enjoy an independent and fulfilling life. If it hurts too much the pool is a good place to start!

    Good luck, you can do this, just remember take your time, enjoy it and take it one day at a time!
  • Thanks
    Thank you for the words of encourangement. it means a lot to know i'm not alone in this struggle.
  • You are not at all alone, while we all have different stories and slightly different struggles,they are all similar enough that we are here on this page. So what's your plan of attack? How you going to get started?
  • Okay Samantha. Deep breath. We all love you and wish you the very best. How about thinking of one thing that would make you healthier and doing that one thing today. I have confidence in you that whatever you chose , you will do today. And then when you wake up tomorrow you will do it again. Best of luck to you.
    I love the suggestions from the other members.
    Itryharder
  • Samantha - what sorts of food types do you believe you eat too much of? I have found that the more protein I eat and water I drink, the less I feel an urge to eat. I actually have to remind myself to eat these days. I don't think I am alone in that. I know it may be a scary feeling to think of changing a way of eating, but perhaps you can explore that.
  • Quote: Hello, my name is Samantha. I apologize for the dark title of this post but, it's true. I'm 27 years old and I weigh 353 lbs. I was diagnosed with heart disease, hypertension and heart failure in March of 2014. Now I can hardly walk from the livingroom to the kitchen without getting out of breath. I'm extremely overweight and I'm so unhealthy that I could die from something I could have prevented. My love for food is a disease. It's a sickness and it disgusts me. I feel so hungry nearly all of the time. And when I'm not hungry i still eat because I'm bored, or just because food tastes good. I have no willpower and I don't know how to change, but I know I need to. When I eat I feel so guilty, but I just can't seem to stop. i never feel like it's enough. Now that my rant is over... a little more about me. I'm somewhat of a geek, I love cartoons, video games board games and card games. I play rpgs and mmos as well. I hate sports and most physical activity because it causes me discomfort and pain. I like to draw, listen to music watch tv and movies and i like to paint.
    Wish you the best! I believe in you. Small steps at a time
  • Drink lots of water. it can help you stop overeating
  • Hi Samantha!! I hear you sister. I hear you loud and clear. I have a lot of pain doing certain things because of my size. I have the benefit of height that I think helps me carry it in a different way than most people but it doesn't make it easy to stand up out of bed in the mornings. I don't like to take the stairs at work because it hurts and I hate seeing my co-workers while I am sucking wind when I get to the top. I already am fat and then they see me heaving air. I am a bit of a nerd myself but I haven't been able to play video games for awhile because I've been working too much.
    At my job, I sit on my butt for 10-16 hours a day in a very high stress environment (911) and I find myself shoveling chips or whatever is nearby in my face even though I'm not hungry at all. It's like it staves off the stress or gives me something to do.
    You are not alone in this ... and we can both fight back to take control of our lives and our health.
  • Hi Samantha , kudos to you for taking such a big step in sharing your story. The fact that you are aware and ready for change is awesome. I was in a similar boat and have come a long way in the space of a year so if you have any questions I'm here and happy to support you