For years I've been reading all your weight loss journeys and passively participating. 'Thank god it's not that bad for me'. As though being 25 and 250 lbs was not a big deal ... Now I'm 37. 222.
I can't remember a time since age 8 that I Wasn't the big girl, even though I was the short girl...in HS I was a nice 180lbs. No friends. I wasn't "fat enough" to be in the fat crowd, not thin enough to be in the thin crowd. It's been an isolating life, for a really long time.
Last March I dropped to 208 when I've been so I'll that I Can't eat. Not able to hold down a relationship. Now have type 2 diabetes. Well, that was 7 years ago. 2 months ago I saw a specialist that says I should have bariatric surgery. And that scares me.
I've done Atkins, and Sure SLim, and LA Weight Loss, worked with trainers, the HCG diet... Now...my specialist is giving me 2 years to get things under control. That's the wait list for the surgery. I've made a few changes in the past few weeks.
1. Changed personal trainers
2. Signed up here to find some support and maybe an accountability partner
3. Stopped pretending that the weight is only about body image. I actually know and feel beautiful. But this is about my health. And being alive.
4. Decided that the focus of 2016 is not dating and finding love and starting a family. It's about finding ME. And being alive.
5. Recommitted to attending yoga atleast 1x.week
6. Recommitted to drinking 2L of water while I'm at work
The specialist wants me to do a modified version of Atkins. 20g of net carbs a day. I'm Struggling for the past 2 months on what to eat and how to plan for the day. I hate eggs...can do a day or 2 but not every day.
It all hit home so much on New Years Eve this year. Everyone had plans, and because I'm always the "cheerful, happy one", not one friend thought to ask if I had plans. So I Was home, alone, for the first time ever. And I realized that if I don't start seeking support and caring about me - there won't be anyone else who cares.
So here's me. Day 1. Registered. Check. Admitted I'm not perfect. Check. Acknowledging I can't do it alone. Check.
Thanks for reading <3