Hi all,
I don't really visit this site anymore but for some reason thought I should since It's been 2 years since I've posted and thought I'd give an update. Also feel i owe it to the ones still on here that followed my old thread "anyone manage to quit dieting with positive results". That thread was maybe the beginning of a journey and brought to light some important questions for me.
Well I don't binge anymore. My binging used to vary in severity, sometimes weekly, sometimes daily. Huge binges. I had considered myself an orthorexic, obsessed with perfect eating, and any divergence or temptation like donuts at work triggered a binge for me. I also felt guilt if I missed a day of running and that would often lead to a binge. A day was either perfect or I was binging. So I will outline what I did to have brought me to where I am now:
I quit dieting and restricting and being obsessed with macronutrient ratios etc. etc. etc. - this was very hard and took probably close to a year to master. It is very difficult to get out of the dieting mindset once having that knowlede. I could not have done it alone. I ended up getting involved in a relationship and spending more and more time at his house and not being alone. This was really essential to my recovery as I was forced to eat non perfect food sometimes (pizza, tacos) under supervision where even when I wanted to binge I could not because I was with someone. It was kind of a fake it until you make it. I definitely went through some anxiety with his late night decisions to make banana bread etc and deliver me a bowl of ice cream fon occasion, but it seemed to retrain my brain that I could eat these things, not binge, and be ok.
I started living my life instead of being alone obsessing on diet websites, logging food into fitday and tracking my weight. I've always considered myself a loner and the thought of doing things with others was a burden because I wanted to be left alone to make sure I ate right and excercised. Well now i believe that no man is an island and that people need other people. and we need to get out of the house and engage. I used to not want to see anyone unless I was feeling perfect, but now even on those days I may feel fat, I will still do things. I realized noone really cares what I look like, and are mostly caring about what they look like, so I don't need to care so much.
I have not told my SO that I struggle with an eating disorder. I told my last partner a decade ago and having him know seemed to enable me. I didn't have to hide it. he knew I binged and accepted it. This actually did me a disservice because I felt I didn't have to change. Keeping this a secret from my new partner has forced me to act normal, and by acting normal I think I was able to break those addiction connections in my brain.
I believe now binging comes down to habbit. I think i began doing it from dieting and restricting and then food became very rewarding and gave me good endorphins. so it wasn't unlike smoking or any addiction. It really took not doing it to break those connections. and it takes repetition. one really must be prevented from binging for a time period to get over it I believe. and i think there can be setbacks. My binging didn't stop overnight. It was a bit gradual where it would be a month or 2 in between and then I would start but they would be small or I would stop miday because I really wasn't getting that high (prob becuase i was no longer restricting and could eat ice cream or pizza anytime and did so it seemed pointless to be stuffing my face with it). and then I noticed that my time alone at home I wasn't binging anymore. I just wasn't. and it didn't take willpower. sometimes the thought would enter my mind in more the way that i was surprised that I wasn't thinking about it, and I would ponder the idea for a minute and then it was gone and I was doing something else.
I also quit chewing nicorette gum during this time. I was really addicted for many years. I was aftraid to quit thinking it may make my binging worse. same with smokers. and I didn't want to gain weight, but I managed to quit and have not gained weight. initially i was very bloated and ate more crap, but that subsided after a couple months. believe me i was tempted to go back to the gum but glad I didn't. and I think quitting has improved my eating habbits actually. although nicotine is an apetite suppressent, It made me feel anxious all the time and binging was always a cure for anxiousness so quitting nicotine was probably helpful in not binging.
over the last 2 years I have not gained weight. My weight still fluctuates between 110-120 lbs. I have days I eat crappy. I am by no means a perfect eater and some days I feel fat and gross. but Id never trade this for the binging perfectionism world I was in before. I jog sometimes and then fall off the wagon like everyone. I love my life now, I love my boyfriend even though the honeymoon has been over for some time and we fight every now and again over stupid stuff. And I still get annoyed when his mom bakes me cookies or he opens a bag of chips. sometimes I say no, and sometimes I eat to many. and then I move on. good luck everyone. it is a long and hard road but you can do it. Ive been a binger for almost 20 years and if i can stop you can too.
I will be around for a bit on here but then will leave because I honestly believe dieting culture including this site perpetuates eating disorders. You have to get off the computer and live your life. you only get one so get out there!!!!