So here's the dealio. I was 245 about two and a half years ago. Through eating right and exercise I managed to get down to a low, 115. The funny thing was that I had muscles, and I didn't look too scrawny. Well...I ended up getting too satisfied with myself and then got scared to gain the weight back. Sooo... I ended up hiking it up to Starvation Mode. Due to this, I ended up gaining weight and losing muscle. I gained ten pounds so got up to 126. The downfall after that is because I had starved myself for so long, a month after I binged about 7 times during that month (last month). Because of this, I have blown up to a current 140 lbs and I have so much fat that I'm not used to having. (Yes, they were HUGE binges!) About three days ago I started trying to get myself back on track, but it seems like I'm lost about how to eat, and what to eat. I almost feel like I am starting over. I would like to build back my muscle. I lift dumb bells for about a half hour every other day, and on days that I don't lift I ride my bike or swim for an hour. It seems though that the scale keeps getting higher from the binge. Like it hasn't stopped effecting me and I'm not sure when it's going to. I know some of it is water weight, but I would like to know when I might stop packing on the pounds from it. I was thinking of sticking to around 1,500 calories a day, and I have been drinking a lot of water and eating a lot of veggies to try and flush my system out. Thoughts? Ideas?

I picked out some of the things that stood out to me in your post. You're coming down hard on yourself. You've managed to lose a lot of weight and yet you're at a loss about how to eat. I think that intuitive eating can give you some tools to learn how to trust yourself and also to learn how not to be so hard on yourself which is what is causing all the binges in the first place.

I don't know what your stats are but did you lose a little too much weight? There is something called weight set point which resonates some truth although I really hate the theory! Your body is perhaps trying to find it set point.

I like the quote in your signature, for starters. I had a pretty deep discussion with my doctor and she thinks that my body flipped out because of all the things I was depriving myself of. I appreciate that you pin-pointed out some key things though. It made me realize what I had typed out and ranted about. I look at the 'typical' weight charts, and I don't take muscle mass into consideration. This is the first time I've tried maintaining my weight. So...harshly, I guess it's going to be a learning process. I'm back on track trying to lose some of the weight now, and trying to spread my meals out with decent exercise. My mind hates me, but I know with God's help I can do it. Aaaand, it has to be done.