Hi there.
Does anyone else have trouble speaking their mind without feeling like they are snapping at someone?
I feel myself getting into these type of situations when in an environment where I'm the patient, such as when I've been in the ER for a bad cold and when I met my new psychiatrist.
So, with the situation with the new psychiatrist, I was waiting for 45 minutes for my appointment, then she comes out and says she wants to bring a med student with her into my appointment. I objected strongly and said that I had waited for 45 minutes and I was told there would be no students in my appointment. She walked away and said she had to think about it, then she let me have my way and we were off to a rocky start, she said that I had an attitude, a comment which she later apologized for. I said I hadn't had good experiences at this hospital, she was reaffirming that. Then, as our conversation progressed, things flowed more easily and I apologized but I left feeling very frustrated that I had been offended and I felt offended also.
Similar situation in the ER the other night, which is in the same hospital network, they're supposed to be a better hospital than the other ones. I was frustrated because I wasn't feeling well. I was anxious and a nurse who was assigned to me was very bossy and 'in my face.' She came over to start an IV, I jerked back because it was painful and that's a reflex, she lectures me on how I shouldn't move. Umm, I understand where she's coming from but I found that rude. She could have apologized for causing such pain or she could have been more calming instead of aggravating. She was upsetting me so much that I finally said, "ok, I'm not even going to talk to you." Then I asked for another nurse and this resident doctor who seemed nice initially took the nurse's side, saying how she did nothing wrong. I said I wanted to speak to her boss, a nice doctor who was walking by and I explained where I was coming from. This doctor tried to get me another nurse, a request that was initially denied by a charge nurse, then it was granted. I did snap at the resident and say that "perhaps she shouldn't be practicing medicine. I later apologized to the senior doctor and she was understanding.
I have gotten better with relationships but it's still a struggle. I come out with some zingers/one-liners but I later feel guilty. I think I do that because I feel vulnerable and I want to defend myself. I lash back at others, not healthy I know.
I wonder if anyone can relate. Thanks,
Amy