Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny
For some of us losing weight is just as traumatic as gaining. I lost 5lbs due to strep throat last week and have diligently set out to regain it because it made me so nervous. Like it wasn't earned or deserved or real or valid. Why do people think losing weight will solve problems? For some of us it creates more.
That's a lot of pressure. Being in a stage with weightloss is horrifying. No wonder it led to a binge. It's what we do best at times of extreme distress. In this case I would sit with a few questions. Do you deserve to lose weight? Do you deserve the attention it begets? Along with losing weight hat else are you losing? What will happen if you do regain?
Also, are you focusing so much on numbers that you can't enjoy the real benefits of your weightloss? Can you step away from the scale, the numbers, the calories, timing your runs and measuring the distances or a week? These are all external measures of accountability and your inner rebel is having a field day. Measuring numbers is a type of restriction and restriction does backfire.
There are numerous accounts in different IE books about the inner rebel. The inner rebel rears her ugly an obstinate head when we impose severe restrictions. This is normally what leads to binges. She brings along with her the inner self critic. The judge and the jury. I'm but a speck of dust on the face of the judge and the jury. What works for me in the scenario you described is to let go o all control and external factors of accountability and focus 100% of my attention to what my body really needs: plenty of sleep, water, movement, relaxation, pleasure and atunement. Eat what you must but do it mindfully paying really close attention to how your body receives the food. Give it the nourishing experience that it is asking you for. Your body is freighters of all the pressure that has amassed. Take care of its immediate needs, use some meditation and stress management techniques and ride trough the rough patch calmly as a warrior protecting your fragile body. Destroy the negative thoughts as much as possible. A binge always ends.
Yes, for me, weight loss brings lots of problems. I agree, I cannot understand how weight loss can bring anything but problems. For me, it turns my whole world upside down when it comes to other people. I don't like that feeling like I am no longer one of the fat girls. I don't fit in with "fit" people. I just don't. But here I am running and eating generally healthy, and I do enjoy those things, and it attracts like company. I don't like how men look at me differently, or hold doors, or look me in the eye. I felt safe being fat. And now I feel exposed.
I like being a smaller size for me. I like to look in the mirror and see a body I kind of like, I like running and not feeling winded. I like my knees not hurting anymore. I wish I could lose weight without everyone else seeing.
I feel like if I regain, then I have failed. I also feel that because of my history of yo-yoing that everyone in my life except my husband is waiting and expecting me to fail. I can think of a few people (family) that I am fairly sure are rooting for me to fail. I am one of those people that sets the bar high and achieves and I feel that some people in my life enjoy watching me fail over and over at weight loss. Its like they are smiling at a goal that glamourgirl can't achieve, or maintain. (but they call me my real name, not glamourgirl lol).
I did step away from the scale last month and stayed off for a few weeks and it did me wonders. And slowly I started weighing again until it was every day again. The scale needs to be put away, because I am basing my self worth on that number, and that number is giving me anxiety.