ALL I've been thinking about lately is my weight, my size. No exaggeration- I can't even focus on my school work because literally all I can think about is what I ate, when I ate, why I ate it, how much I've gained. I think about when I should eat next and how much I should eat- I contemplate skipping meals and even just not eating at all. This evening, I literally woke up from a nap, STILL regretting the little that I had prior to going to sleep. If there's one thing that I can control, it's what I eat. And honestly, the less I eat, the better I'll feel...I've known myself long enough to know this. I believe that I can literally control how I feel by how much I allow myself to eat.

And I think that pisses me off...the fact that a good mood depends on the self-deprivation of something that I need to survive.

Regardless, I've decided that from now on, I CANNOT exceed 200 calories a day. Only until I get rid of all of this weight. I should be able to handle at least that much, considering how much I've let myself go up until this point. I need my brain to agree with my body that eating is unacceptable for me right now.

Because if I gain a SINGLE POUND, EVER AGAIN I will go crazy.

This is called an eating disorder. Go seek a mental health specialist, a normal woman requires about 1200 calories a day to be able to move and do regular day to day things.

I responded to your earlier post about how you were feeling huge. I told you that you need to love yourself enough to change. I hope that you understand that that did not mean starving yourself. It does not say your weight under your avatar. At this point I do not even know if you are truly above a healthy weight, or if you are suffering from some body dysmorphia. The thoughts you are expressing are disordered and consistent with a developing eating disorder. Any ideas that involve depriving yourself of food are NOT NORMAL. I really think at this point it would be wise to consult a professional about your feelings. Eating disorders are serious, and can be fatal, or cause irreversible damage to your heart, brain and body. Please seek help.

200 calories a day is not enough. You would soon starve on such few calories.

This ^^^

The compulsions you are grappling with are actually indicative of anorexia. People with anorexia try to take control of their eating by not eating. They only feel better when they do not eat and suffer greatly within their own thoughts when they do eat. I once posted an amazing Ted talk explaining anorexia, you can find it here. http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/gene...explained.html

Just know that the thoughts that you are having are not simple or even normal, anorexia is a very serious disease and the most fatal of all the eating disorders. Please speak to your GP about seeing a qualified doctor and therapist who specialize in eating disorders.

This is the one sentence that really screamed out at me in your post. I'm no expert on eating disorders, but this statement indicates that you may be developing one.

I agree with others who have suggested professional help. I am so glad you posted your feelings here, as I suspect you already know that this is something you need to address.

Please do keep us posted on your progress. We are here to support you in any way we can.

Your post is very sad and I hope you won't just eat only 200 calories a day. If you do, you could cause some serious damage to your body, as was mentioned above. Not only that, but eating that little causes changes to your brain which makes your eating disorder even more powerful. On 200 calories a day you can't possibly get the nutrition you need. Please see someone to get help....perhaps a psychologist/counselor and a nutritionist. Otherwise, you are taking a huge risk on your health. Please read this as a starting point: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.o...ting-disorders

None of these posts are meant as a criticism. We are all concerned for you and we all know what it is to struggle with food. However, starving your body is not the answer...it will just make things worse. You are more than your body....please love yourself enough to get help.

The many responses have already said what I thought. Please, seek out some assistance with this. I will be keeping you in my prayers. Whether you are religious or not, just know that you are in so many people's thoughts. We don't know you in real life, but we care and want what is best for you.

If your post is for real (that is, if you're not pulling our legs), you have a serious problem and need to get help as soon as possible. On some level I suspect you know this.

Right now you think happiness lies in the same direction as rigid weight control. Just for a moment, imagine the freedom of being happy WITHOUT your obsession with weight and consequent need to starve yourself. It may seem difficult for you to believe, but this freedom is available to you. I urge you to get help before you put your life in danger.

F.

I agree with the above posters - I am worried about your health. I encourage you to seek a professionals assistance with your body views before you do something which can seriously hurt yourself. 200 calories a day will crash your system and can cause serious mental and physical defects in your health, not to mention the emotional toll.

200 calories a day... that's it?

You seriously need to relax first because I think you are troubling your body by not eating enough calories. I have successfully lost a lot of weight recently without starving. My advise to you is that you should eat more fruits and salad and even dairy but skimmed only. Avoid eating meat because it's fattening.

Cece, I know from experience that controlling food feels like being in control, but it's just an illusion. In fact, your "food control" is controlling you. And by obsessing on this issue, you're able to not deal with the other parts of your life that feel threatening.

Go talk to a professional who can help you with these feelings AND lose weight safely (if you indeed need to). And then deal those other issues that are making you feel so out of control.

Oh - and BTW, with all due respect, meat is not fattening. Some people choose not to eat it for personal reasons, but it certainly won't make you fat. Eating a balanced diet of healthy, whole foods is the best way to keep a healthy weight.

Remember, eating is not a moral issue. Be kind to yourself.

(((((((( hugs ))))))))))

I agree with all the above... You have an eating disorder and you need to seek help as soon as possible.

200 calories a day, could be the exact reason you aren't losing the weight you'd like to see.. Once your body goes into "starvation" mode, it greedily holds on to every scrap of food you do eat in an effort to keep you alive. At rest (meaning, if you were in a coma and not moving a muscle) your body needs at least 1200 calories a day JUST TO SURVIVE.

A balanced diet, and less stress, are all you need. Stress will lead to weight gain, not eating enough leads to starvation mode and your body fat hording... kick-start that metabolism girl and know that food CAN be your friend, you just need to learn the right tools to manage it and lose weight in a healthy way.

Eating only 200 calories won't let you to lose weight!! You will just get sick and go to hospital! 800 calories needs person who is in COMA!!!!! and such a person even doesn't blink!! so you should take care of yourself and start to eat!

Assuming this post is for real (and I honestly hope it's not,) you are headed for disaster if you are restricting yourself so severely, and your entire mood hinges on what you do or don't eat. You sound pretty young, so I will say that I promise you that your weight is not the entirety of who you are. You can enjoy food, eat healthy, and be at a healthy weight. You don't have to torture yourself to get there.