For the first time since I started maintaining in Nov. 2011, I'm up five pounds. For a shorty like me (5 ft 3), 5 lbs makes a difference. I've always been one to carry my weight well (so I've been told), so no one has commented about my small gain, and I can definitely still wear all my clothes; they're just a smidgen snugger. And I know how I gained---too many uncounted BLT's (bites, licks, tastes) that probably added 200 or so calories to my daily total, which adds up over time.
So, I stopped the BLTs, and I'm glad I have because I feel much more in control of my eating. The thing is, though, I cannot get back into losing mode. Every week I promise myself that I'll go back to my losing calories (1400 per day), even allowing myself maintenance calories on weekends. That doesn't seem so bad, and that would supposedly have me losing about a pound a week, so that 5 lbs. would be off in a little over a month. However, I never succeed at sticking to that; instead, I end the week just a little under my weekly maintenance calories (I have a weekly rather than a daily total).
I've tried to analyze why I can't get with the program, and I've come to realize that it's almost as if I'm okay with being 140 rather than 135 . . . except that I don't think I should be okay with it. What I mean is that if no one around me had seen me drop from 175-80 to 135, I would have no problem being 140. But I feel almost pressured to stay at my low weight because I'm afraid that others will say/think, "Oh, she has put on a few pounds. She must be gaining her weight back ---again!" I keep telling myself, why should I care what others think? I'm disappointed that I do care, though. The other thing about it is that I don't trust myself. Am I fooling myself by feeling satisfied with 140? Is that just an excuse to not put in the effort to lose that 5 lbs.? Will that 140 lead to 145 . . .and more? These are my concerns. This is my first significant gain since I started maintaining in Nov. 2011. Ironically, when I first started losing, 140 was my goal weight, but in the process of trying to figure out my maintenance calories, I dropped another 5 lbs., so 135 became my "ideal" weight.
Thoughts? Advice? Commiseration?