Any of you that have been around a while probably know by now that I struggled, or have struggled with ED, starve/binge cycle. Once again, I am trying to heal it, and I have hit a new road block.
I am realizing I do not have internal hunger cues. I don't know when I'm hungry or full. I have been trying to really observe when I am hungry, and how much food satisfies me. And listening to my body goes like this:
4-5am wake up. Black coffee & water. Run.
7-8am Feeling hunger BECAUSE of run. Would be satisfied with 2 scrambled eggs. If I don't run and I could go until noon and not eat.
12-1pm. Thinking a lot about food, but not feeling physical hunger cues. Have recognized that thinking about food may be sign I'm hungry. Could eat half sandwich (2 slices turkey, lettuce tomato mustard) and be satisfied.
3-4pm I'm usually thinking about food. I have the urge to eat, like I want to but there are no physical hunger cues. If I were busy, I wouldn't eat, because my mind would be occupied. If I am home and bored, then I could eat a piece of cheese or a yogurt and be fine.
6-7pm I typically don't want dinner. I kind of hate it. I don't feel hunger. I would rather just eat some comfort food, as I typically have a lot of "cravings" at this time. If I had my way, I'd skip dinner and just eat some ice cream! lol...I do often eat dinner out of obligation. No physical hunger. But I find myself really wanting to snack on things like apples, raisins, peanut butter. No physical hunger, just what feels like emotional cravings. If I were busy, I would not eat.
If I am very bust all day, like when I was doing 12 hour shifts (nurse), I will typically feel physical hunger maybe around 2pm, it would be satisfied with a very small meal, half sandwich, then I'm good the rest of the day.
I also notice since cutting out sugar (and when I'm eating minimal carbs) my hunger is even less. So its like none existent at times....even when I binge, its not physically driven...or is it?? But I don't feel hunger.
If I truly only ate when I was physically hungry, I'd almost never eat. Which I've done years ago, as part of my ED. "Fortunately" I eat for many other reasons, like sugar cravings, and emotional cravings etc.
Does anyone else deal with this? Its like I broke my physical hunger cues from so many years of disordered eating.