I would love to be a size 12!!!! My biological mother was like that. I was so stressed out going over to her house one Christmas with a new boyfriend. Everyone was telling me to calm down, but when I walked in the door, before I could even introduce her she said "You've gained weight". Lovely. Then at my brothers wedding I was in the bathroom and I overheard her say to some girl she was consoling for some reason "Don't I have two big fat daughters out here?" of course, my sister and I had just had babies.
So, I totally understand where you are coming from. I just wouldn't have her over for any more family get togethers. If you do, I would make it a casual one where you wouldn't have to be in the same room.

Update: I think it hit her the mammoth social fall out that occurred. She called up and invited ME out to lunch! That has Never happened. Our relationship is this: She visits once a month, we talk on the phone maybe twice a month and I host the three family holidays. I was tempted to say, "Are you sure you want to take me to lunch? After all, there will be food there!" LOL

I said I would see her Sunday (MAYBE) but will probably defer. Too much stuff with kids going on.

P.S. No, she did not apologize or bring it up. I'm keeping my mouth shut out of curiosity on how this one will play out. If she gets defensive/aggressive I have my lines:

"I think I look great!"
"Do everyone a favor. Don't bring up weight in my house again."
"My weight has nothing to do with the tea in China. Let's talk about things that matter. For example, do you have a living will?"

I'm gobsmacked. What a nightmare.

I don't mean to be disrespectful to your mom and step-dad, but the truth is some people just aren't very bright. This is an embarrassing event but for them because it shows how poor their minds are. Really, their brains told them that was a good idea? You almost feel sorry for them.

Gosh, Inkrid you handled it better than most would. Your mom isn't too cool, in anyone's book. I'm sorry you and your siblings had to deal with that on a holiday no less. I love your last response in your last post- the tea in china/living will one. Slick

Well, I wasn't perfect in the reality ~ I had picked up those "NO!" buttons from Staples ~ when Mom was still talking about it at dessert/coffee I crept up behind her ~ and pressed the button!!!

"... now what I was *trying* to say to the kids was..."

"NO!"

She turned around and looked at me like a cat sprayed by a water bottle.

"...what I mean is..."

"NO!"

I then left the room. LOLOL

OMFG! that was awful! I had a situation like that but it wasnt my parents but a family friend that was drunk as ****! so I cant even imagine how awful that was for you. Im so sorry!

Wow....there's a holiday moment you'll never forget!!! Goodness, I'm just stunned by that. I could just hear everyone gasp in my head!

Honestly, I don't know if talking to your mother and stepfather about it would have even made a dent. But I'm fairly sure by your family boycotting them for a while might have made them somewhat embarrassed...maybe....

Some folks are just like that...you can't take them anywhere! LOL

I'm jumping on this thread a bit late, but I just had to. I'm so sorry that your mother is that way. I understand how humiliating and traumatic being treated like you are worth less because of your weight is. My grandma (a narcissist) said the same thing to me around easter this year. She said she would pay me 10 dollars for every pound I lose. I made the mistake of telling her I was losing weight, and then she told me that was good because I'm not as pretty when I'm fat, and then criticism me for not losing more weight faster. I saw her and my narcissist father for my brother's graduation a couple weeks ago, and I'm still recovering from the damage. I was hungry (bc I really hadn't eaten much that day) and grabbed some soybean chips, and grandma blocked my path out of the kitchen and said "will that make you fat?" That made me mad so I just said no and walked around her. We have a screwed up dynamic in my family. With 2 narcissists it's impossible not to. My older sister is the golden child of the family, and can do nothing wrong. She has gained a lot of weight recently I'm sure bc of stress, no one said anything to her about her weight issues. Everyone converged on me (the scapegoat since birth, can't do anything right) about how fat and disgusting I am. My father is a plastic Surgeon and he has been saying mean things to me about my weight my entire life along with his mother. He told me I embarrassed him because I looked so bummy and fat, that no one would ever live me until I lost 40 pounds (when I weighed 135 in high school and was not fat, granted I believed him at the time) ok pity party over. I guess my point is, you are not alone. I feel for you, and i hope that we can both move past the pain and love ourselves the way we have always deserved to be loved by a parent.