I had this "epiphany" which may or may not be true. Tell me what you think.
When I was younger I was underweight, yet always eating. Everyone was telling me to eat more! Maybe, just maybe, I was too thin because I needed attention from other people. i.e. ~ "I need someone to feed me/take care of me. Oh, look, I'm skinny, my family is noticing me, finally. Yay!"
Ten years later I am now overweight. Whether I eat as usual, or diet/do everything "right", I am still overweight. Could it be that subconsciously my core being is saying, "Holy Crap! No one is going to feed/take care of you! In fact, you might have very real enemies. Girlfriend, you better store some food/energy away in case of famine. Or at least to show people that You Do Exist, You Are Here. You Do take up Space. You Do Matter."
OK, bear with me ~ maybe people are mean to overweight people because "these people dare to exist! And if they were thin they'd be attractive! (thin = cared for by others, "EAT!") But they're not, yet still here! How dare you not decorate my world!?"
Yet thin = (around the world) undernourished, weak, vulnerable. So in a warped way for a thin person to exist someone has to be taking care of her, so she must be valuable. And she really DOES have to have something special about her if she can succeed in a weakened state.
The whole fat/thin, attractive/not attractive thing really doesn't make sense to me, so this (above) was the end result of my meditation trying to make sense of Crazy.
