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Originally Posted by levoguette
Hi all! Just wanted to sort of vent my weight loss frustrations as of late and see if anyone has words of advice or is in the same boat.
I haven't even weighed myself in a couple weeks and have been kind of in a rough spot in my life lately. But I believe I am around 220. Give or take 5 lbs. the lowest I've gotten to is 219.4, but I've sort of stalled and my scale was jumping between 219-222 for the past month or so. I wouldn't be surprised if it's climbed back up a bit.
I know the reason why I haven't seen the scale budge has been because I have not been eating well lately. Whereas before I was SO motivated to keep on track and lose the weight, I find myself having zippo motivation anymore. I've come to the point where I feel like I'll always be fat and "ugly" because of it.
Despite losing 60 lbs, I feel like others still view me as fat.
The only thing I can really trace this loss of WL motivation is to this guy I met on a dating website. He seemed really great and we talked for awhile he seemed to be interested in me, but after meeting me he seemed to lose the interest. After asking him what gives, he told me he liked certain aspects of me but I wasn't as "hot" as he'd like me to be. I know I shouldn't let things like that affect me or get me down, but I feel like deep down it has.
I've never gotten much interest from guys, never have had a boyfriend or even had a guy ask me out. And just when I start feeling confident enough to put myself out there, WHAM. I get slapped in the face with a "guess what, you're still not 'hot' enough!"
It just kills me to think that losing 60lbs took me about 7-8 months, and I have to lose a good at the very least 40-50lbs more to see if THEN I'll fit into the "datable" category. And even then, at 180-170lbs I will still probably be considered "chubby".
I know there may be a few comments about this, but please know that I didn't start or choose to lose weight so I could date. I did it to feel healthier and more confident in myself, which I did initially. But this new aspect of my WL journey, just has put me in a rut. I just want to get motivated and back on track but can't seem to do so.
Hi there.
I hope i can say something helpful so i'm going to throw a few thoughts at you in case one or more of them helps.
Ok so lets assume its the rejection that threw you off track. Certainly that's very easy to understand. Only up until quite recently rejection always threw me. Now i don't even care about being in a relationship or going on dates etc so its no longer an issue. However i'm 50 so that's ok. I know can't really be so blasé at your age. I remember not ever being the most hot girl so you know, i've had similar experiences to you. but with the wisdom of age and experience, i hope you may try to take this on board to spare yourself.
Ok its normal and fine to want a boyfriend. And its normal and fine to be hurt when someone rejects you. But the thing is, try to match the feeling of your rejection to how important that particular guy was. Given you really didn't know him, you must try to let the hurt and rejection go asap. He could have been an arsehole. You might not actually be missing out on anything by him not wanting to go out more with you. You possibly could be counting yourself lucky that he rejected you. If you can stand back a little bit from your feelings and consider these more objective possible factors, you might see that he's not worth get so upset about. And its possible that a great many guys are not worth your getting upset about either.
There will be someone for you.
Its true that people are generally more attracted to more attractive people. But if you look around you, you will see that plenty of unattractive or overweight people have partners. Whether or not they were slim when they found their match, we can't know but i do know that a lot of people hook up when they are not in prime condition. The funny thing with me is when i've been at my skinniest, i never met anyone and meanwhile some guy would turn up just as i was not in my peak condition. So somehow, they see us differently from the way we see ourselves.
So its not worth putting too much focus on aspects of our appearance that are either with us for life, or pretty much part of who we are most of the time, when it comes to how to catch a guy.
By all means, make the best of what you've got. And lose weight if you can. But when it comes to getting a good guy, keep working on the inner you. And be picky about the guys too. Don't just fall in love with the first person who shows an interest. Reject them if they turn out to be awful or hopeless.
So now you need to pick up your mood so you can get back to life and your weightloss. Make up your mood your main focus. When thoughts of that guy and the hurt you feel about it, start to come into your mind, push it out of your mind. don't get into a habit of dwelling on the negativity that goes with all that. I know its possible to do this but if you've been doing it a lot already, it might take a bit of effort to stop this habit of thinking. Just keep pushing the thoughts out when they come up. What this does is give your mind time to heal. Later on when the worst of your mood has resolved, thoughts of the guy will come back and there will be a pang in the heart but it won't be so bad as to ruin your mood and motivation. So work diligently to keep those thoughts about him and his rejection and your negative self thoughts away. Yes, any thoughts about your own appearance in a negative away, you must push them away too. Don't dwell on these things because they become habits and are poisonous to our mood. It is a type of suppression but its ok. Its not like you are pretending that you are not hurt or that you don't wish you weren't thinner or whatever but its about not feeding the sadness. To get over it, you must try to cut off the food line.
Sometimes our mood picks up faster if something else fortuitous and good happens to us. It makes it easier to let go of sad and painful things when this happens. So keep putting yourself in the path of possibility and avoid things where your chances of more hurt are likely.
Personally i think dating sites might work better for more attractive people. That's my feeling. I don't know if its correct or not. I think you might be better off waiting to meet a real person directly so find activities where you may meet more people. Try not to focus too much on the people you meet as potential mates. It can make you come across as desperate. Rather try to focus on making friends and enjoying the activities. BE about enjoying life, enjoying people and learning stuff and doing stuff. All this will make you more attractive as well as happier. This will draw people to you.
Not very long ago some one was attracted to me. I liked him at first but luckily i had some time to get to know him before taking it anywhere while i knew he was open to me. I am glad my emotions didn't blind me because the more i got to know him the more i realised how incompatible we were. It wasn't that he wasn't a nice guy and he had few things going for him but there were things that would drive me up the wall so i could turn him down and feel ok about it because now for me, i'm ok with being single. And in rejecting him, i didn't find it necessary to insult him. I don't think i made him feel rejected though he might not have understood why i didn't get interested.
Anyway what else can i say that might be of use. About the diet, until you stabilise your mood, why not just try to eat maintenance calories spaced in say three meals a day and only eat snacks if you find yourself hungry between meals. At least this way you might avoid getting hungry. And it might be easier. So figure out how your maintenance calories, plan some meals for the day ahead to match that, nothing too difficult or extravagant. Just food you like that will fill you up and which is healthy.
Then when your mood settles down and you recover some motivation, start reducing your calories again. Take it slowly. Look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. Learn to self nurture through positive self talk. Don't give up.