Thank you all so much for the words when I needed them the most. I just had a really low point last night and what's nice, is when I don't know where to turn, I know I can turn here.
I don't think my issue is seasonal. I just go through spurts where I'm super motivated (doesn't matter what time of year) and then I start to lose my enthusiasm a little by little until I'm right back in those nasty habits. A big part of it is my fiance. He's overweight as well but he looks very proportionate. Not that it matters, as we both would like to be healthy, but I don't think he has the self conscious issues that I do.
So it's a lot easier for him to eat chinese food, or want to get pizza, etc. He is a GREAT cheerleader, don't get me wrong. He tells me I'm doing great, keep it up, I'm looking beautiful, etc. But then he has times where he insists I reward myself with food. We should get pizza, it's okay because you've been doing so well. One night won't hurt. But, it does hurt. I start with pizza, and then declare it an entire cheat day, and throw all that stuff in the cart I shouldn't be having. Now I don't know what constitutes a binger but I don't think I am one. I have more than I should but not to where I make myself sick. Like I would have 2-3 pieces of pizza, and then I'd have 2 or 3 junk food things. Like an ice cream sandwich and a handful of cookies. I don't eat the whole pack. But then that leaves leftovers for the next day, so I figure I may as well eat whats left until it's gone. Regardless, its unhealthy eating habits I want to change. I need to tell him I can't do that because it triggers my downward spirals. I may not binge, but it gets me to at least meddle in thoughts of giving up.
Elvislover324 Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really does help me in a way I can't describe. I have health issues from being heavy, mostly infertility/lack of periods and ovulation, and I just don't feel WELL most of the time. While I let this depress me and hold me back, I really should be using it as my light at the end of the tunnel. I
can lose this weight, I
can have more energy, I
can regain my health. And I'm not going to make any more excuses, this is a promise to myself!
Slashnl Thank you for the quote. It's small things like that, that really get me thinking and excited to start again. I'm not worried about anyone else, but it would be the greatest feeling to prove to myself I have the dedication to succeed!
Wannabeskinny Thank you. Seriously. I really needed to hear that. Like I said, last night was a low point and all I could think about is what I
didn't do. But you are right. I've landed an amazing job, I've been working really hard, I have kept up the house even though I work 12 hour shifts and am tired, I am a mom to our son and our furbaby. I've got to give myself credit for those things because they aren't always easy. It's just a little frustrating to look back on this year, and realize where I could be if I would have just kept up with it. Now I'm going to look to where I can be in a year, heck even a month if I just keep with it. Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you so much to all of you for the love.