I had ALL those worries too! I started dating again in December of 2012, so just over a year ago. I went on an online dating site and met about a dozen guys in my area. I had a LOT of coffee dates and online chatting sessions. I didn't click with any of them so I never told them my history. When I met my current bf, it was like we were made for each other, we had so much in common, and even though he's 20 years younger than me, he's an "old soul" and we quickly realized we were very compatible. I told him on day 1 that I hadn't been with another man for about 18 years. I told him (briefly) why and took a chance. He was very understanding, and later on he told me that he liked that I had no current "baggage" (meaning exes). Our sex life is great and I forget all about my saggy boobs and abs lol...

I was determined to be alone for the rest of my life due to comfortable rut, lack of self-esteem, obesity and depression. But I just woke up one day and realized that I didn't want to live that way anymore and nobody could fix me but myself. I didn't think I could live with anyone either, but it was very easy once we moved in together.

It's scary for sure, but I don't think you should condemn yourself to loneliness because of depression and anxiety...we only live once and if we choose to live, we need to experience love and happiness! I took way too long to realize it, and I've said I do regret it...but I've moved on and am making the most of it now.

That is great to hear..I think I can really relate to your experience a comfortable rut is exactly what I am in, I am just simply stuck as if I cannot move forward in the ways everyone else around me seems to...This is hard to talk about, even when I had a session with a therapist I lied about the intimacy problems..But if I go back I will bring up this issue cause it is a big one.
When you first started dating again, did you find it difficult to make conversation,not be nervous, etc after being isolated for so long?

I've totally lied to my therapist many years ago when I was in therapy, I just couldn't admit to the intimacy problem. I'd had it for so long that I was actually ashamed, which is silly, it's nothing to feel shame for, I just needed some kind of help to get out of it. For me, therapy didn't help, I had to get out of it myself. If you do talk to your therapist, I'm sure he/she can help you out.

At first yes, I did find it difficult to talk to guys...but I started out on an online dating site. This way I was able to chat online and email before starting the verbal and in person talking. I did the usual...thought about subjects before meeting them lol...gosh I felt like a teenager...but usually you talk about work, family, sports, music, tv/movies, hobbies etc...you kind of fake it until you make it I think. Once I got rolling, I was okay though. I completely avoided talking about my history of mental health issues though, I think that bores people when you first meet them. My big anxiety was what to say if asked about past relationships...it happened of course, so I would say things like, I've been single a little while and thought it would be fun to start dating again...or something like that to take the focus off. Another thing we have to make sure not to do is move too fast or act too desperate! I made that mistake with the first two guys I was getting to know. I didn't quite grasp the meaning of "dating", I wanted exclusivity right away lol...doesn't work that way!

Thank you Chardonnay for your replies, I'm inspired by how you've changed things around so much. I will remember your story when I feel like I have too much to "fix" to get to where I want to be.

You are so right about just having to move on despite maybe feeling regret about the time that has gone by. I'm going to try and read some of the books on living in the present and not focusing too much on past or future, I think this will also be a help with anxiety in general.