Hi everybody! I have been reading forums on here for quite some time but have recently become more serious with my weight loss so I finally decided to join. I should first say that I am not losing weight for anybody other than myself. I want to clarify that as I'm sure what I'm going to say may be misconstrued as me losing weight for a man.
My situation is this. I recently got divorced (was with the husband for almost 10 years) and have started seeing an amazing man. The problem is my husband loved me regardless of weight (I went from 130 lbs to up to 275 at my heaviest and fluctuated in the 200's for the last 5 years - we divorced over other issues) but my current boyfriend has never really dated heavy women before (he has one ex from a very long time ago but he said it was hard for him because he was young and fell into the typical society standards of what a woman should look like so they broke up when she gained a lot of weight). He has always dated petite women no taller than 5'6" and 130 lbs and some as tiny as 100lbs. I am 5'8" and a size 20 currently.
We were friends before dating and he has said multiple times that he has never had a connection with anybody that we have. He says he's attracted to me but I noticed he never complimented my looks so I mentioned it (he compliments me to the moon and back on everything else from intelligence to humor etc). He is always very honest and tried his best not to get into the conversation but I pushed and he finally admitted that I'm not his 'ideal body type' so he finds it hard to compliment me like that. Of course I got upset and so did he because he didn't want me dwelling on it and said he didn't want it to change what we have. He is in his 40's and says that he's at a point in his life where he's not focused on looks as it hasn't served him in the past being that most of his exes treated him poorly because they could always have a guy lined up, etc because they were hot. He says that what we have is amazing and that sex isn't as big of a priority as it used to be. I think we have great sex but he's mentioned that certain positions are harder with a bigger woman and that it shouldn't bug me that we don't swing from the chandeliers because it's about the connection we have and that he finds our sex life fulfilling as is.
Which is what leads to so much of my anxiety. I have major anxiety which, as I'm sure many of you can relate, makes it so that I constantly obsess about a thought once I think about it and it's very hard for me to let go. So I can't seem to let this go. We have been seeing each other for about 6 months and EVERYTHING IS AMAZING except I have this insecurity that I'm not his petite dream girl. He says he loves me exactly as I am and doesn't think that losing weight would change anything. I have always dreamed of a man who loved me for my mind and personality so why can't I let it go that he says it's more than enough to keep him happy? I truly believe him when he says what we have is amazing and something so deep that he's never experienced because I feel the same way. He loves me and I love him. Am I blowing this out of proportion and it's all just an insecurity that i need to work through on my own? Can a guy who's only dated tiny women totally change and be happy with a fat woman? Any thoughts, insights and support is more appreciated than you know. <3