Do you think overweight/obese people are more likely to struggle with assertiveness? I find that, with some people I really have a hard time saying no. The strange thing is, I don't have a hard time saying no to my kids when needed, or my family, or my fiance. I feel comfortable enough with them to speak my mind and needs. It's others I can't tell no, people whose opinion of me I should not necessarily care about!
Background-Over the past year we have been living in a small low-income multiplex. There is this one couple who cause frequent disturbances (parties, cops, fights). I found out several months ago the girl has a 3 year old, same age as my daughter. As I was playing with my kids outside, she came out and our kids became friends. She started coming over occasionally which I did not mind because our kids played well and it really seemed like she could use a friend who wasn't into partying. Occasionally quickly turned into daily. Borrowing toilet paper, frequently dropping her boy off with me for "just a minute", opening the door herself after a quick knock. I decided to be OK with this level of intrusion because one day from my back yard I heard her boyfriend tell her he wanted to "crack her skull open", I was worried her and her boy might be in danger so I allowed it to continue. I got her to open up a bit and she admitted he had done things like "jokingly" hold her head in the water and spank her son "several times" for accidentally peeing his pants. I told her that is totally unacceptable behavior and she deserves better and has an obligation to her child. Eventually she told me she had decided to leave but was scared. I can't turn away a person in need like that, so I told her I would help her move her things back to her parents house (she's only 19) with my fiance if and when she chose to leave.
Well, the last three days have been spent immersed in her situation, as I had to call the police on her boyfriend after I heard her screaming. He broke a bone in her shoulder by shoving her into a wall when she told him she was leaving. My fiance and I filed witness reports with the police and helped her move her things immediately (he had to take a whole day off work to do so). I'm proud of her decision to leave and press charges against him, and happy her son will be with his grandparents who love him instead of that deadbeat. Unfortunately he is aware we called the cops on him and helped her move, he was screaming at me as they took him away, which makes me scared for his release because he is still living in our complex (we called the landlord and he WILL be evicted, but he still gets 30 days). Furthermore she is still coming over daily, often staying for hours to discuss her situation, often to ask for rides from my fiance as she doesn't have a license. I realize I am sounding resentful of someone I took as a friend and needs help, and I hate that! How do I draw the line? How to I tell her it's fine to visit, like once a week, but I have other things to do too? I am exhausted from all of this not to mention terrified her ex is going to retaliate in some way. I just want to move at this point, but Fall term starts in 2 weeks and I just want some time alone with my kids and fiance. I want to help people but I can only do so much. :/