Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraDGallagher
I never had issues with my body before I lost weight. I loved my curves; I simply wanted to be healthier. After losing 65 pounds I'm suddenly OBSESSED with my weight, the shape of different body parts, my "numbers" (the scale, BMI, body fat percentage). I have dropped my goal weight three times now. I'm 5' 0" and 117 so I'm still within a healthy weight range for my height, but I'm beginning to think I'll never be satisfied with my body. Can anyone relate? Does it just take time to mentally adjust to your "new body"?
Thanks in advance for any insights!
I can relate to you in the since that while I was uncomfortable with myself at the larger weight, covered with a blanket during intimate times etc, I was more out going, I wasn't as embarrassed about how I looked. My attitude was this is it, this is me, take it or leave it.
I mean at my highest weight of 248 I would put on my shirt and pants and while it wasn't clingy or anything I just accepted how I looked and that was it..now at about 60 lbs less, and surgery to remove excess skin, I only only see negative. i see how I still have a roll over the pants, I see how my butt is flat, i see the stretch marks..I have gotten down to 150 which was even lower than what the dr wanted and I still wasn't happy and felt ugly.
Now that I have lost weight, and succeeded at it, it takes more and more to make me happy. Its almost a consequence, like an addict that needs more and more to get high after building a tolerance..to get that same level of happiness I had when I first lost 20 lbs and could wear a size 20 jean, I dream of that. Instead I eat something or gain 5 lbs and the world is over I am a failure, I am fat and ugly, unworthy and I might as well give up. What happened>
Now, the scale tells me if I have a good day, how I feel, and how I feel others should treat me or look at me. It is there every morning when I step on the scale and it reads back to me a number..a number that 5 years ago I would have sold my soul to reach..170, a number I would have said would make me happy, confident, feel smart, sexy, worthy, a number where I said If I could just get "there" I'd do anything. Well, obviously I cant keep my end and do anything
just to get there or I'd stop with the eating right> Sorry, kind of getting off track.
Its just ironic how at 248 lbs I envied women my size and felt they had an easy life, I dreamed of being them. Now I am in that situation where ladies at work say oh your thin or I'd give anything to be your size..look at your legs in your jeans, etc. etc...well they don't know how ugly I feel and what an obsession this losing weight has become. I have lost myself, and instead of gaining self esteem with the loss of the weight, I just gained more insecurities as issues.
I have reached my goal weight multiple times, yet i find myself consistently regaining and settling into the 170's. I tell myself I don't like it, the 170;s, and I consider myself fat at this size..yet if I so dislike it, can't stand how I look or feel, I really need to do some deep soul searching as to why I keep going back and not staying in the 150's. I don't feel happy even when I get to the goal weight. i look at myself and still see the same thing, every physical flaw staring right back at me. I've considered it a type of self sabotage or a comfort zone, it would explain it. I also noticed that once I did reach my goal weight, after obsessing for several years over the weight, I began explosive binge eating, something I had never experienced at this level before and it is some how tied to me, my self esteem, my coping, I don't know I could go on and on.
Anyone have anything similar? Any advice?> Ive read dozens of self help books on confidence, self esteem, self worth, etc. nothing changes.