I wanted to let you know I have many of the same issues with my own body. Through my journey with weight loss on 3FC, I've lost 90lbs. But really, I've lost almost 130lbs from my high weight. Loose skin is very prevalent and I'm very self-conscious of it. I can't really afford surgery nor do I want to. However, the way you describe yourself and the way you treat yourself is much like I treat myself, and I'm actually seriously considering getting therapy. It's like no matter what I do, I can't see the me that other people see. I wear 6s and smalls but I, too, can't really believe that that's actually me because the way my body looks to me tells me otherwise. I can't tell you how many times I look in the mirror and think I look disgusting because of my skin. I can't tell you how many times I've stayed clothed with my current sexual partner because I didn't want him to see my skin -- and he's known me and been with me for nearly 4 years now and met me and seen me when I was at my very heaviest. I can't tell you how simply SELF CONSCIOUS I am to the point that it affects me in social situations and I'm too scared to be myself because I think that my very presence puts people off.
And I'm scared that even after surgery, or after losing an extra five pounds, or exercising til the cows come home, I still won't be happy. There's always going to be an imperfection to fixate on. I, too, just want to be able to accept myself for who I am so that others will be able to accept me. I second Cherry Pie when I say it might not hurt to get some insight on your self-esteem before you go the surgery route; or even better, do it before, during, and after the surgery process. Help yourself love yourself. I know I need help to love myself, so I'm reaching out. You're not alone.