Quote:
Originally Posted by 35X35
I'm so sorry those things happened to you, Kaplods. That's terrible . I was just speaking in the context of how I felt the husband's intention was in saying that. I don't think it was coming from a place of unconditional love, but hey, I don't know the entire story or marriage. I hope you understand I am empathetic to what you've shared, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
There's no need to feel sorry, because I don't - and I don't see them as terrible. Inconvenient? Annoying? Mildly embarrassing? LMAO funny? Well, yeah... now... but not terrible, and that's my real point. It was a little embarrassing, but even at the time I joked about it, because I had NOTHING to be ashamed of.
And probably because I'm not ashamed of my size, and because of my awesome hubby (who I can envision saying something similar without meaning it hatefully) I'm more likely to assume the best of op's hubby. I trust that she can figure out whether her hubby is a poopnugget, or simply misunderstood. I just wanted to say that from the information given, I don't see poopnugget as the only option.
My hubby has almost no filter. What he thinks, very likely will come out of his mouth. If he said, "I don't want you breaking my chair," I'd be annoyed, but I probably would respond the same way as a more tactful response or something like "I'm not sure this chair will support you. " In either case (because I am an independent adult), I would say, "We should really take it back to the store and get something we both can use."
I tend to assume the best in people for a very practical reason... it makes my life easier and more pleasant. I don't expect anyone, not even myself to say the most perfectly diplomatic thing all the time (or ever).
That reflects my upbringing, I'm sure. I love my mom, but she had a terrible time seeing any communication with her as noncritical. Literally, anything you said could be interpreted as heartless and critical, which is emotionally exhausting for everyone.
My hubby does tend to be overprotective of not only me, but his stuff too. He'll often "warn" me to be careful near his desk because he has painted figures on his desk - or he'll treat me like a child, because of my illness (memory and judgement become impaired when I am flaring - deeply embarrassing). I often have to stand firm and remind him that am an adult and still capable of making decisions.
I do get angry and annoyed with him for trying to "micromanage" my life at times, but I lovingly tell him to butt out and he usually does. I would never divorce him over such a (to me) trivial fault.
To me, it sounds like OP and her husband are having the same problem my husband and I had in the early years of our marriage... And having BA and MA degrees in psychology and a strong interest and job experiences focused on communication, I thought I was ahead of the game... nope, it was still very difficult merging two lives alone into one life together.
In my experience working with people with relationship difficulties, most marriages and other long-term relationships do not break up over intentional cruelty or lack of respect or even lack of love... it's generally over mis-communication and unrealistic expectations of one another. It's in all the ways in which we choose to to interpret (often misinterpreting) words, actions, facial expressions... and what they mean.
And somehow "the chair may not support you," becomes, "I don't want you to break MY new chair, you fat, ugly *****, you don't deserve to sit in a nice , new chair - you can use the old piece of crap, you pitiful witch. I hate you, you've ruined my life."
To be clear, I'm not saying you or OP are saying that, but unfortunately it is a pattern that isn't rare. Without more information, I think one explanation (the comment was innocent) is as likely as another (that he's turdboy).
The place to determine which isn't here, it's between OP and her husband, ideally in counseling.