As I approciate my 30th week of pregnancy, I am decending into the hardest part of my pregnancy, and for me I bascially become a miserable fat couch ornament...
I get extreme joint, back, leg and abdominal pain as I get closer to the end. It hurts to walk, hurts to bend over, hurts to move. I had this with each pregnancy. I just don't want to do anything. Especially as its getting hot out, I don't want to be outside. Up until last week I was still pushing myself, pulled up the old dirt from the flower garden, added fresh soil and planted some new plants....big mistake...I had contractions for a few hours after that...and my back pain was so bad I could barely sleep that night.
Anyway, my point is I've reacted a useless stage. Just a few trips up and down the stairs putting away clothes and the contractions start and I feel wiped. Even now I'm sitting on the couch, and having contractions I'm pretty sure these ones started because about a half hour ago I carried my sleeping 3 year old up to bed...he's only like 28 lbs, a peanut. And he loves to be carried, but now the shortest trip gives me contractions for sometimes hours after.
So the reason I'm venting is because my poor kids are dealing with a lazy mom. I feel so guilty. My older one is in school but he's done in a few weeks. My little one and I just stay home. I don't do anything with them. No park, no library. My older son and I used to run races last year (1 miles fun runs) and now I'm not even taking the kids out for a walk. He was crying the other day (he's 5 almost 6 ) how I don't run with him anymore. He knows why but said he;s still sad. He also said I don't do anything but sit on the couch, which is basically true. Anytime I start becoming active I get contractions. Not to mention my motivation is gone, and I just want to rest all day. I try to tell him why but he's still reminds me of this frequently.
I know there are some woman the stay super active up until delivery, but that's not me. I looked into some activities for my kids over the summer that I could take them but not have to "participate" this way they are not sitting in the house all summer but I can just sit. But I like playing with them. I like running around outside with them, getting on the floor and generally having energy to play. I feel so guilty.
I just need to vent this because I feel like the worse mom ever. I know its temporary but I feel horrible just the same. My own mother was a lazy mom, never did anything with us. I swore I would be the mom I wish I had. Take the kids to the park, library, around town fun places, play with them. out to lunch, enroll them in fun activities, go for walks, bike rides, the mall, etc...just not sit home watching soap operas all day. My mom was over weight and cranky most of my childhood. That was a big motivator for getting healthy last year because I had more energy to spend time with them. And now I'm *that * mom, that does nothing with her kids, that gets frustrated if she has to go up stairs for some reason (because its so physically uncomfortable) I am definitely not as pleasant either.
I just feel awful.