Quote:
Originally Posted by BadAngel
I’m on an epic binge and I’m scared of how self-destructive I’ve been and may continue to be. In just hours I’ve consumed 4pints of ice cream and a massive taco salad (One lb. of beef, .5 lb. of cheese, and a one lb. bag of tortilla chips). I LOVED AND HATED EVERY BITE! The food coma has me physically and emotionally numb…..but the sick truth is I will actually have the house to myself on Saturday and I disturbingly have another gorge planned for then.
October 2011 I began to eat healthier and exercise regularly (an average 1500 daily calorie/1-2 hrs daily cardio) By January 2013 I was 90 lbs. down … from 280-189 (from size 28 to size 14). I felt and looked fabulous. It is now May 2013 and just four months after achieving my lowest/healthiest size/lifestyle I have now regained 70 lbs. back.
I.worked.soooo.hard.how.did.I.let.this.happen
I reached my highest of 280 not by binge eating; it took me years to get that large…but in mere months I’ve erased all my hard work and habits....I’m so lost and don’t understand why my pattern is to now go a day or two counting calories/exercising and then I plow through lbs and lbs of food the next and I also hide food from my family and eat every last morsel on my own. I don’t understand what is happening
Hello there BadAngel
I know what you are going through. About a month and a half ago, I had my feast fest as well. My weapons of choice were cake, chili cheese fries & pizza. I believe it's something that you just have to do in order for you to push forward. It's a lot like reverse psychology... When you were a child, everything that your parents told you that you couldn't have, you wanted more so than before. That's basically all this is. Denying yourself of what you want has built up so much that now you can no longer hold back. Honestly, I didn't regret anything that I did. I knew I shouldn't have been eating the cake, but after each piece I had, I didn't bury myself in guilt for doing it. I just said to myself "Well, you just ate all of that cake, almost the whole pizza and a large order of chili cheese fries... Oh well. What's done is done!"
After that, I went for a long walk. So, what I do now is go walking or do some type of moderate exercise after I have something that I "shouldn't". This way, there really is no room for guilt. If I want a doughnut, then I'll walk to the doughnut shop instead of driving there and eat it on the way home.
Now, I rarely crave those things. It's all a journey we are all traveling together. You're in my prayers, I know you can work through this. We are here, always!
Have a Blessed day!