Today was my weigh in day. I did not weigh in. In fact I did not even shower. I did not go to work. I did not do these things because yesterday my city was bombed. I was downtown during the chaos, terrified and sick to my stomach in the historic public downtown Boston building I work in. Are there more, were we next. A member of my staff was on the street between where the explosions went off watching the marathon on what is historically an amazing day in Boston. I thought i was going to be sick that she was there at ground zero, even after confirming she hadnt been injured. I chose to leave the city and come home. I thought i was going to be sick as they made bomb awareness notices on my jam packed train out of the city. I thought I was going to be sick when I spoke to my parents, my boyfriend telling them not to worry, i was ok. We are ok. I am so thankful everyone I know is safe. I'm so thankful.
Today I took a sad day. I watched the reports, spoke to friends and family and clients from home, I did not count calories, I let myself cry. I weeded through what was hundreds of emails and texts and social media measages from around the country checking in on our well being. That was today. That is today and I still cry. The messages still come and I am in love with everyone I have ever known for reaching out. They do not see me cry, it is why I am home. It is why i chose to share these feelings here anonymously. So I can grieve in my own way and return strong and supportative and level headed tomorrow. Tomorrow I will resume my normal life because its the only way. It is the only way because I love my city, my state that has been my home for my entire life. I want to be brave. I am not afraid of the terrorists. I will not be, because that is what they want. I will not be because I'm a Bostonian and I am tough. I will do my best for my traumatized staff, my friends, my family. I will do my best for my customers now worried about their travel to my fair city. I will continue my healthy path and not let these tough and emotional times derail me. Tomorrow I will count my calories. Tomorrow I will weigh in.Tomorrow I will start training to run.
Thank you to anyone who reads this. I am sad and I needed to just put it out there.