Ok, I need some help.
I have been hospitalized and have been eating the full meals in the hospital, which I don't regret. I believe I need the strength and extra calories to recover.
What I'm afraid of is that for the first time in months, I am having super-strong urges to binge. I think it is because I feel like I am out of control: I can't exercise, I can't eat what I normally eat, I am not in control of my surroundings. I feel very bloated because of the IV meds that have been pumped into me; that and the inability to exercise and eating more than I usually do are messing with my head, making me believe I have gained 20 pounds even though I don't think that's possible (although with no thyroid maybe it is...).
I am not able to get food since I'm hospitalized, but I have friends and family who are asking me what they can bring for snacks. I did ask for a couple of treats: not enough to binge; truly just because I'm still hungry. But I still feel guilty about it.
My fear is when they release me either today (hopefully) or tomorrow. All I can think is, "I have already gained, and my weight won't stabilize for a while, so no one will ever know if I binge." All I can think about are the foods I want to eat. I'm not necessarily thinking about big portions, but am not thinking about moderation either. It's like everything I have worked on for the past four months has flown out the window.
Please, please, please slap me around and help me come to my senses!!!