I woke up this morning in a great mood, made coffee and caught up on some posts here. Jumped into my workout clothes and got an hour on my treadmill. Had lunch, my vitamin and a bottle of water.
Got dressed into a "new" outfit from my closet. Put on makeup, earrings, did my hair up in a clip. My outfit consists of size XL navy blue workout pants with a cute flowery purple design on the leg, a 0x purple tanktop, and a 1x white sweatshirt. These are BY FAR the smallest clothes/outfit I have worn in so long, I was so excited to get dressed piece by piece and get myself all "dolled" up in workout clothes (but not to workout, just to look casual). I felt so good when I was done, matching sneakers and socks; I like matchy matchy and feel put together. PLUS I *never* wear anything but black and jeans as I feel like you can't tell how big I am, so I actually have COLORS on for a change. And omg white even!!
So then I look in my full length mirror and just felt so overwhelmed, like I am going to be so big forever. Even though I *know* I am smaller and the clothes sizes are smaller and nothing is tight or stretching. I should feel like a million bucks and instead I want to go get back in my PJs and go back to bed...
I see others struggle with this here and while I felt compassion for their struggle, I never *knew* how it felt until about an hour ago. And boy is it crappy. And I have no good reason to feel like this, I should be excited and rocking my outfit. And instead I just feel defeated.
I stopped taking some hormones last week and my body feels a little in a jumble, which I am attributing part of this to. I just feel like I have come so far as I finally could see a bit of a change in myself, but today I just "hate" myself.
I am in the final stretch to hit one-derland and this grumpiness is the last thing I need and I don't want to feel like this. I am literally 85% to my goal and this is the first wall I have hit. And it sucks!