I've done this before. After giving up this battle against my body, I've tried three times now to come back to 3FC. To the one place that really helped me lose 40 pounds so easily I can hardly grasp the concept now. I've even tried making a new account so I wouldn't be so ashamed of myself for gaining so much back after getting down to the 220s, but hiding the massive weight gain from the internet didn't hide it from myself.
So, here I am. Again. Worse off than I've ever been before. Almost 20 lbs higher than my previous highest weight. I saw 280 on the scale today, and I just feel like dying right now. Not in a real way. Just in a "please, just let me lay in bed for 5 days straight so I can pretend I don't exist" kind of way. I know this is extremely melodramatic on an intellectual level....but, on an emotional level, I am so far gone. I don't even know where to start anymore. I know quite a few of us have been in this mind space before, so I don't feel as crazy as I probably should for admitting it.
Anyways, this is me coming back. Not just because I want to anymore...because I need to. I've always been a bigger girl, but I don't even recognize my body anymore, and I feel like I am literally killing myself at this point. I can't keep giving up after my first major set back, or let life get in the way again. Someone please kick me in the face next time I try to leave? Ha.
Sorry for the downer thread, I'm just in a really bad place right now. What have I done to myself?