I want to love myself again

  • Hey all,
    I'm new to this site but a veteran in the world of weight loss and dieting. I'm a 23 yo girl in my third year of medical school (more than 1/2 way to my MD!!) and I'm fat. I know that I'm a lot of other things but lately the only word that rings in my mind when I think of myself is 'fat'. My weight issues are definitely not new but I've never let them root themselves in my psyche as viciously as they are now. Being overweight used to just be a small part of who I was and it never overshadowed what I knew to be the positive aspects of my personality but now I feel like I've spiraled into a pit of shame, loathing and despair which is only highlighted by my chosen field. I work with obese patients all the time, I hear what the other doctors/nurses/tech etc say about these people and I can't help but wonder 'is that how other people view me?' 'Does my weight immediately paint me as lazy or ignorant or _(insert other fat stereotypes)__?' Unfortunately, it's all become a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy on my part and I've been stuck in this rut of depression & weight gain.
    I want to be better. Deep down, I know I can be better and I know I deserve better. I deserve to be happy and healthy and the only way to do that is to put a stop to my inaction and BE PROACTIVE physically & mentally. I'm hoping that being on this site helps with that and my goal this month, is that no matter what happens, no matter what I eat or how often/how little I exercise, I log onto this site everyday to remind myself that I'm not alone and to build relationships with people who can hold me accountable and who I can help as well.
    I know this post is a little bit of a debbie downer but its how I feel right now. After trying only to fail so many times, I'm afraid to be optimistic but I'm going to work on that.
    Thanks for reading,
    Faye
  • Congratulations on taking the first step! It's easy to feel ashamed and beat yourself up, but one thing that I've found helpful is FORCING myself to be relentlessly upbeat and positive about weight loss. This means shrugging off those bad food choices with an, "Oh well" instead of letting it become the reason for a binge.

    I love reading the goal stories on this site. One of the stories referenced the Beck Diet Solution forum. That inspired me to look into the books by Judith Beck. I find her tone very encouraging and positive. You might want to check them out.

    The first step toward loving yourself again is...loving yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving. Treat yourself the way you'd treat your most cherished friend. And good luck!
  • Congrats on being half way to your MD, that's amazing! I'm kind of in the same boat as you, feeling down and overweight. You totally deserve to be better and healthier, and the only person that can make that happen is you. I'm still trying to come to terms with this myself. Luxy mentioned the goal stories, this has really inspired me to keep going, (even though i'm still on week one!) it's awesome to see that it can be done. Good luck!
  • Welcome, foreverfaye! Another NOVA girl, awesome!!! And also, CONGRATS on being halfway to your MD, that's even more awesome!! This site will definitely keep you motivated and the more threads you chime in on, the more motivated you'll get.. At least, that's how it's been working for me Do you have any kind of pedometer or Fitbit or MOTOACTV or anything like that? I see a lot of girls here have them (me being one) and I know having it on me all day everyday has kept me acutely aware of how much I move/how much I need to move on a daily basis. The last two I mentioned even have their own websites where you can challenge other users to see who can take more steps or burn more calories. I joined a few challenges on those sites and am running neck-and-neck with a few other users. I didn't realize how fun it was to try to beat their scores. I'm a naturally VERY lazy person, so this is an awesome new feeling for me. We have some challenges threads here as well that have definitely kept me on track. And if you need motivation, there are the goal threads with amazing pictures of women just like you who've been in our shoes. Let's tackle our weight problems together! Good luck!!
  • This site is wonderful for support. Hang in there we are all in this together.