Hey all,
I'm new to this site but a veteran in the world of weight loss and dieting. I'm a 23 yo girl in my third year of medical school (more than 1/2 way to my MD!!) and I'm fat. I know that I'm a lot of other things but lately the only word that rings in my mind when I think of myself is 'fat'. My weight issues are definitely not new but I've never let them root themselves in my psyche as viciously as they are now. Being overweight used to just be a small part of who I was and it never overshadowed what I knew to be the positive aspects of my personality but now I feel like I've spiraled into a pit of shame, loathing and despair which is only highlighted by my chosen field. I work with obese patients all the time, I hear what the other doctors/nurses/tech etc say about these people and I can't help but wonder 'is that how other people view me?' 'Does my weight immediately paint me as lazy or ignorant or _(insert other fat stereotypes)__?' Unfortunately, it's all become a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy on my part and I've been stuck in this rut of depression & weight gain.
I want to be better. Deep down, I know I can be better and I know I deserve better. I deserve to be happy and healthy and the only way to do that is to put a stop to my inaction and BE PROACTIVE physically & mentally. I'm hoping that being on this site helps with that and my goal this month, is that no matter what happens, no matter what I eat or how often/how little I exercise, I log onto this site everyday to remind myself that I'm not alone and to build relationships with people who can hold me accountable and who I can help as well.
I know this post is a little bit of a debbie downer but its how I feel right now. After trying only to fail so many times, I'm afraid to be optimistic but I'm going to work on that.
Thanks for reading,
Faye