Oh my my my...so many issues...so much in this thread that got my head to nodding, "yup! Me too!" What an excellent idea, Sojo!
So here's my story...
I've always been overweight...just never as much as I am now. I was a "chubby" kid, second oldest of five. My sister and I had the chubby thing going for us, none of the boys did, neither did my parents. I suffered the humiliation of having to wear the husky sizes and shopping in the "special" sections of the store...Easter time still gives me the willies.
I heard the "you have such a pretty face..." spiel, ad nauseum. My grandfather would tell me point blank how fat I was. He thought he could shame me into not eating, I guess. Wrong-o, Pa!
We didn't have much money, so like many others, we had to eat "Everything on our plates!" We couldn't leave the table until we were done. (Spam, boxed macaroni and cheese, hotdogs, bologna, very few fresh vegetables, lots of potatoes.) We didn't always have a lot of treats, so when Mom bought Devil Dogs or Ring Dings, it was every man for himself til they were gone...usually the same day!
I was always a voracious reader. I can remember sneaking sandwiches, in my pants, into to my room to eat while I read. I still have a hard time sitting down to eat, if I'm alone, without reading something...and that, unfortunately, has translated into eating at the computer.
When I was in the 7th grade, my mother joined Lean Line...(like WW) She didn't need it at all, she did it for me. Come to think of it, that's the one thing that stands out in my mind that she ever did just for me. hmmmmmm....
Anyway, I lost weight, got to a normal size, which lasted through high school and beyond. Only thing was, I never lost that fat mentality. I never stopped thinking of myself as fat. Recently I came across a picture of myself in a bathing suit, at about age 20. I distinctly remember seeing this pic
then, and thinking, "Oh my God, look at those thighs." (probably weighed 140 @ 5'5"...so I was never a skinny bird, but certainly not FAT at all.) I am here to tell you now that I would give my first born to have those thighs again! (Well. maybe not the first born, how about the dog?)
There is a LOT of alcoholism in my family. At one point in time, if I hadn't hooked up with the guy who became my husband, I would have gone that route too. He doesn't drink. No one in his family drinks. What a rude awakening that was for me! I simply could not conceive of parties where no alcohol was served...AND PEOPLE STILL HAD FUN! So I slowed way down on the boozing, but... I think the eating took the place of that addiction. My weight steadily increased after marriage, esp after two pregnancies.
So now I'm the fattest in my family...My sister has probably about 20 lbs to lose...she never was as heavy as I was/am. But she drinks...a LOT, so does her husband. All three brothers drink, one to excess, the other two probably would too if they didn't have strong wives who won't tolerate that
all the time. They will drink to excess on occasion. My parents both drink. I don't recall my mother drinking, except at parties, while I was growing up, but now they drink together. I'm kind of the outsider in my family because I don't drink like that. I can have a drink or two and be done, and they just want the party to go on and on and on. They remember the days when I did act like that and think I only "act" this way when dh is around.
I daresay that I'm the one with the most stable marriage, the most self esteem, (but that's not saying much), the happiest...I have so much to be thankful for.
So I guess, it's all those old habits that are just so ingrained and so hard to change. (At least I don't stick sandwiches down my pants any more!) But it's also unresoved alcoholism issues too. I'm sure a stint at Al Anon wouldn't hurt.
Thanks for giving me a place to unload all that. Boy, that took a long time to write! It was like peeling an onion...I had to keep going back to find more.
Nothing but good can come of unloading these burdens. Thanks again.