First of all, I currently live with my mother, who has recently had a kidney transplant. (She's doing wonderfully, so I'm surprisingly unstressed about that.)

The reason I make a note of that is that before, when she was on dialysis, we were on different diets, but it was okay because she didn't eat junk food. Now, however, she is encouraged to eat things like chips, pretzels, juice, candy, etc., because of the transplant (keeping the water she has to drink inside for longer, or it'd run right through her). This has made things a little tougher for me because those are major trigger foods for me.

I'm not blaming her for anything. It's not like she offers them to me or even eats in front of me teasingly or whatever. I just...I can have a super "on plan" day until, maybe, 6:00 (I've probably exercised by then. Sometimes even twice) and then...bam, I'll sneak one chip or pretzel that soon becomes several servings of them, ruining everything. I try to remain upbeat about it the next day, but I feel pretty terrible.

I'm trying to focus on the fact that I've lost a LOT already and should be really proud of myself for what I've done, but the last couple of weeks of been heinous. (I thought I survived the worst of it when I got through my uncle's visit. He eats late and all the time. He DOES offer food. *sigh*)

Reaching 100lbs. is turning into a pipe dream.

Is it normal to start self-sabotaging when you're so close to a major goal?

For me it sure is! I've been struggling like crazy since mid-July. I think we all have these specific numbers in our heads that mean a lot to us, for me it's getting into the 150s (more specifically under 155). Once I hit the 160s it's like I've been fighting myself constantly. I'm still progressing, but much more slowly. I'm not sure exactly what it is! I find it really strange to want something so badly, and to be so close to it, and to do things to keep from getting to it; yet I still do it! I feel like a nut case most of the time!

In regards to the snacks though, is it possible for your mom to keep them somewhere where they won't be a temptation for you? I can't have certain foods in the house or I will overeat them.

Well, from what I've seen, self-sabotaging happens to a lot of people when they're nearing goal, yes. Maybe because shedding the remaining extra pounds becomes harder, demands more efforts, and it's so tiring to keep committed at that point. Or maybe because we're unconsciously frightened. Or maybe something else. I don't know why, but I know it happens quite often, actually.

It definitely happens. I've always overeaten later in the day when hitting an all time new low - always. And then it takes me like weeks to get back to said low.

That being said, your situation with your mother is prob generally stressful and tough to begin with - so that may be a factor too. Either way, almost 100 lbs lost - that's awesome!!! You'll get back on your feet, no one is good at saying "one is enough" to chips and stuff.

Someone asked me recently "what are you really scared of - what is stopping you from reaching your goal. Why are you so afraid of succeeding?"

I am no longer on a diet, I have changed my lifestyle, part of that is realizing that life happens. It is up to me to decide each day, how I want to live it. Most of all, I have learnt to forgive myself for my past behaviors and given myself the time to try to recognize my triggers. I do slip from time to time, but each meal is my choice - no regrets.

If I see I'm slipping, I get my food journal out - nothing like accountability.

You've done an amazing job so far, don't give up on yourself yet!

No kidding! That stuff is rediculously addictive.

Yeah. I don't like chips but if they're there and I have one, I'm gonna have at least 2-3 servings before going "I gotta calm down."

Thankfully my friends aren't big chip people...

there is some "je ne ce qoi" about almost reaching a big milestone.

i hit the big fat 100 for about 2 minutes and promptly gained back 20 lbs.

whatever- it happens.

i think it is a gradual progress and you need to keep at it.

LOL!

Thanks for the replies, I don't feel so crazy now! And I will talk to her about keeping them somewhere else. I don't think she'd mind.