Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyKatFan
I said that I couldn't have pizza. By their expressions, you would have thought I had just told them that next World War had just started, they looked so disappointed.
In virtually all cultures "hospitality" and comraderie include food. So we're trained from birth to celebrate and reward ourselves and others with food (and to be disappointed if folks turn down our hospitality or refuse to participate in the celebration).
If you say "I can't have pizza," even if you don't use the self-pitying, long-suffering, regretfilled tone that is "traditional," people will interpet it that way, because it's part of the ritual (and the ritual response is to encourage the person to "live a little," and "just this once,"....).
However, if you say you "don't want any pizza," (and sound like you mean it, and not just because you're dieting but because you don't WANT pizza) you'll have a much better chance of getting the food pushers off your back.
If (as far as they know) you're choosing the food you really want and are excited about, they're not going to be as likely to push food on you.
Which is why I NEVER say I "can't have," something. If I'm eating with non-dieters (or anyone really) I say in an excited tone, "I'm really craving salad tonight, Wow the grilled chicken salad sounds absolutely amazing, but I'm not sure if I'll like the dressing, I better get it on the side."
If I talk about what I CAN'T or SHOULDN'T have, people will encourage me to splurge, but if I make it clear that the food I want is the food I ordered, people don't question it at all. At most, someone will offer me a bite of their food, but they won't encourage me to order food I don't want (so I make sure I'm clear that I'm ordering food I want and food I will enjoy).
Personally, there's nothing I hate worse than eating with someone who is complaining about the food they "can't" eat, while making moon-eyes at MY food as if I'm sucking the enjoyment right out of their meal (and yet I'm a villain and a saboteur if I say anything that can be interpreted as food-encouraging).
I'm not saying that you DID that, but it happens so often that many people aren't sure what they're supposed to do. Especially since many people DO expect to be encouraged to break their diet (it's why they complain about not being "allowed" or "able" to eat what they really want to be eating).
However, even if it's an "act" people won't question your food choices if you act as though you're making your choices based on what you WANT to do, not what you feel you're obligated to do.
Imagine how uncomfortable you'ld be if you were dining out with a friend who pointed out all the dishes they couldn't order because they didn't have enough money to order what they really wanted. Many of us would feel obligated to offer to pay for their meal, or to pay part of it, so they could get what they really wanted.
If we talk about what we CAN'T have (implying that we want it, but can't have it), many people, especially those who want to see us happy, are going to encourage us or enable us to get what we want.
I've rarely had anyone push food on me, when I've gushed about how the choice I made is exactly the choice I wanted.
When we visit the inlaws, my MIL has always tried to push wine on me, even though I don't drink (I have too low an alcohol tolerance and even before I was on meds that made it worse, I didn't like drinking because it just made me sleepy). My standard excuse when offered wine was that I couldn't drink because of my medications (but I had made the mistake of telling her my doctor told me I could have one glass of wine without problems). She didn't stop the pushing until I started turning it down because "I don't want to fall asleep, and even one glass makes me too sleepy to enjoy myself, I'd much rather have a diet soda...."
When I said that, it made her happy, because I had voiced a desire she could help me fulfill. She'd get me a diet soda and we'd both be happy.