Quote:
Originally Posted by carmelwhitworth
For future reference, my BMI is 31.8, and I'm turning 16 next week.
I don't want to be noticed. I don't feel like I'm a human being. I feel as though everyone hates me, when I've never been bullied by anyone.
I even feel that my mother, sister, and best friends despise me from the core of their being.
I'm antisocial, and choose to speak to no one. It's rare now that I'll even talk to my mother.
Because I'm fat. Because I'm ugly. Because I'm stupid.
Because I'm me.
I don't understand why exactly I'm posting this here, as this is going nowhere but in a circle.
But has anyone else ever felt this way in their life? Or is it because I'm fat and deserve to feel this way?
Are there any tips to make myself feel better, to dull my mind's focus on the bitter reality that is daily life for someone like myself?
I understand that depression makes weak people like myself indulge in their primitive, repulsive gluttonous ways.
So, I need help to prevent this from happening.
You sound a lot like me at that age. Exactly like me, really, except I had the bullying thrown in there too.
First off, I know you're told this by a lot of people, I sure was when I was going through this (I never believed them...I really hope you can). But IT GETS BETTER. It gets better than you can possibly imagine right now.
As for ways to feel better...exercise is the best way. I was suicidally depressed from when I was 11 years old, til I was 21 or so. The ONLY time in all those years that I had a break from that, the only time I felt close to normal, was grade ten...I was on 5 different sports teams that year, and CONSTANTLY exercising one way or another. It's true, it is one of the best treatments for depression there is.
You can try the therapy route. But if you do, MAKE SURE you find a therapist you have a good rapport with. There is nothing worse than going to a therapist that you don't trust. I did this. As a result, I made zero progress. So try different therapists until you find one that you feel comfortable with. Ultra important.
A great way to improve how you think about the world and yourself, is to find a hobby, something you can do well, that you enjoy. Little victories. If you can find one thing about your life that you enjoy, that isn't bad, then you can build on it. It takes time, and work, but it really can help.
Stay. Do your best. Try to accept yourself, but never give up on improving yourself at the same time. And from someone who knows how you feel right now: your life can be wonderful, beautiful, even when it's not perfect, even though you're not perfect (no one is or ever will be). You can feel so content and at peace that you don't know how to handle it.
And PS: nobody deserves to feel like that. It's not your fault that you feel like this, but how you *handle* these feelings is up to you. I didn't handle them well at all, and I did some things that I really regret. YOU CAN DO AND BE BETTER. I know you can.
Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to rant to or anything.