I'm starting to realize I feel a little alienated by the fact that I haven't dated recently. I ended a seven-year relationship almost a year ago and haven't even come close to starting a new one. It's not not dating that's bothering me. Sure, I'd like to, but I'm actually still kind of enjoying not having to consider someone else with every decision I make. The thing that bothers me is feeling like I can't properly relate to my friends socially because I shut up when the conversation is about guys — and as girls in our early 20s, that's what the conversation is a lot of the time.
One thing I notice, though, is that I seem to have excluded myself, not the other way around. Sometimes I get grumpy and sad and think, "They treat me like I don't count, they don't think any guys would be interested in me," but really it's that every time they've tried to talk to me about guys, I've gotten all awkward or quiet or made a joke out of it, so they've stopped.
I'm wondering if any of you have dated at your highest/higher weights because I'm curious about how much this isolation both romantically and socially is my weight and how much is the way I act because of my weight. I know I do everything in my power to be invisible. I noticed the other day that the person ringing me up at a store was actually ducking his head to make eye contact and I wasn't looking up. I'm wondering if that kind of behavior has something to do with it or if I would be ignored even if I didn't want to be.
I know thinner women get a ton of attention and have an overall different social experience than bigger women, and I also know that plenty of larger ladies are confident enough that their weight doesn't hold them back, but in general have any of you found that there's at least some potential interest in you even at higher weights? Or is dating pretty much just generally not an option even if you want it?