Hey everyone. I'm a twenty-year-old who has gone from 200 something pounds to 160 - 170 pounds in the last year, and I'm in the process of getting past a major plateau. But losing that weight has made me realize that I will never be any ideal body type that I could imagine. I'll never be petite and I'll never be curvy. I have very small breasts (and always have), a flat behind, and narrow hips. So, although I'm much healthier and happier than I have ever been, I am still struggling with self-esteem issues. I don't love my body type, and I have one target of my personal hatred: my neck. Instead of that crook beneath the chin, I have a slope. It's not that I have a weak chin, and I'm not sure what it is about my body that causes it, but I've been waiting for it to become less obvious with weight-loss. It has, but it annoys me that it is something I focus on.

So, what I really want to ask you if for advice to accept my body, now and at whatever weight. I don't get any male attention, and I do not want to get breast augmentation or surgery to get that (or to fit into clothes better.) I very much want to accept my body, flat, tiny, boyish, and chubby, whatever it ends up being. Do you have any words of wisdom?

Keep in mind that you are still going to change a lot physically at only 20 years old. My body is completely different at almost 30 than 10 years ago (having two babies actually gave me a bit of a booty...haha)

I think your best bet is to not compare yourself to others, celebrate your amazing accomplishments with your weight loss and realize that there is so much more to you than your physical appearance. I know, easier said than done. Keep up the amazing work!

You make some good points, Tanna! Thank you!

I also had a lot of struggles accepting my new body at first. I think the key thing first of all is learning to dress it, (which is NOT easy because for me it was really hard to go from dressing a 200lb + body to what I have now).

The first thing and I say this to everyone. Do you have bras that fit??? Because that can make a huge difference. A well fitting bra can make a huge difference in terms of support, shape etc even if you have small breasts. A good example of this can be seen here. Also here is a great story about a girl who was small breasted who figured out proper bra fitting. She has a blog and does a lot of bra reviews (although only recently started writing in English too.

But the place to start is taken your underbust (measured tightly) and your bust measurement and the best calculator that I know of is here. Taking your underbust=band size will give you the support you need and even if you have a small bust it will give you a much better shape and uplift.

As for dressing yourself. You really are in luck. There are a lot of things that a straight body type can wear that some curvier can't! Skinny jeans and a peasant top probably looks awesome on you. Basically anything that models are pulling off can work well on straight body types. I'm fairly busty and can't wear most of that stuff because I end up with the tent effect (basically the clothes hang off of my bust and make my waist look much, much bigger).

Oh, and a blog you might like is Small Bust, Big Heart. She talks about bras, clothes, and body image.

As for jeans, have you tried Levi's Curve Id jeans? They go by both your waist and hip measurement so you might find a lot of luck with the slight curve jeans.

ETA: fixed links

I also want to agree that your body can change A LOT as you age. My breasts became larger after having my daughter and often women find that their hips spread after having kids too (not something I experienced, though).

I totally agree with runningfromfat, wearing the right clothes can do wonders for your body image.

It was only a couple of weeks ago I began embracing how my body is now and thus started dressing to show off what I have. I feel SO MUCH BETTER and all I did was start buying clothes that fit my body.

Not to mention that if you're still looking to lose 20lbs your shape might change a bit. Those last 10-20lbs can change your body quite dramatically.

Well, if you WANT to you can make your butt perkier Squats, lunges, and deadlifts!
But I love that you want to embrace yourself as you are. It's hard but it gets easier the older you get (at least, that's my experience!) As a woman who has been every size from 24 to 6, I can tell you that male attention isn't necessarily about the way you look. I met my boyfriend of 6 years when I was almost 300 lb, for example. I think it's a lot more about your confidence and attitude.
You mentioned your neck as a body part that bothers you. Do you have a body part you like? Maybe whenever you start focusing on your neck, you could re-direct yourself to focus on the body part you like. (I do this, only for me I have issues with my thighs but I love my calves)

These are really great comments. Thank you, everyone.

@k8yl, I do have some parts of myself that I like (my legs aren't so bad.)

We are given one body and that's it. Nearly all of us are imperfect and are from childhood on. We can dress it up, hide parts we want to de-emphasize and then we just have to accept the rest.

Yes, strength training in particular can help shape your body in new and improved ways, but it's not going to fix all imperfections and that's ok.

Look around you - is it only the pretty girls and the good looking guys that are dating? Look at the next generation up - are all married couples perfect looking?

When you get to be my age (42) and with the invention of facebook you realize that even the most unlikely (in my head) to gt married and have kids have gotten married and had kids. The mean ones, the ugly ones, the weird ones, the shy ones as well as the popular, cute ones. Why? Because we can be attractive to at least one special someone and for most of them/us to severlal special someones.

I was in your shoes at 20 - just different imperfections. I was so uncomfortable with my body that I hid it and was basically asexual because I couldn't imagine anyone thinking of "me" in that way. When I got to 22 I realized that if I didn't change the way I thought of myself, I was going to be alone at 33, 44 and beyond. Maybe it was pure luck, but within 6 months of coming out of my shell and beginning to love me, I met my future husband. We got married when I was 23 and we arer still quite happily married 18.5 years later.

I agree with many things I've read. I also think you should play up the best parts of your body. You can get away with some clothing that just doesn't look great on curvy figures (think skirts with pleats, skinny jeans, etc.). Play up what you do like about your body. And take it from me, big boobs aren't that great either. Nice, perky boobs are attractive to many people and should be to you too. As some guys say, anything more than a handfull...well, you know the rest.

I wonder if maybe the secret to accepting our bodies is to first love our mind/heart/soul.

re boobs: you have no idea how many times i've heard a guy say "more than a handful's a waste".

i started off a C cup. got pregnant and while breastfeeding, they got SO huge that nursing my daughter was like watching a shuttle dock at the enterprise. then she weaned and they were not huge any more. they were *seriously* not huge. bras were impossible - what i needed was a window-blind mechanism to roll them up.

i live with facial deformity - i was born with a hare lip and cleft palate and am LONG overdue for a nose job and lip realignment but i just don't want the pain. it's not worth it. and yet i have three daughters - nikkita, 26, by my first husband when i was 18. caitlin, 23, by my second husband when i was 21. and now saari, 5, by whatever-the-heck-he-is-today.

speaking of, he's dead sexy - women are all over him all the time - in spite of being short - about five-two - and having a face that, when he's in trim, looks like a carving on an aztec temple and when he's gotten chubby, looks like a bullfrog.

I have the same shape as the OP but wear a 32DD. Most people don't believe me that they're that big but because I finally got a decent bra fitting and have always known how to dress the girls, they don't look huge. I've always been busty, but they are now just pretty sad after 2 pregnancies and breast feeding both for 1 year + for each.

However, I can rock the skinny jeans! And if it's a form fitting top/dress, a wide belt is awesome for creating a waist. If you like your legs, show 'em off with short skirts and shorts. I too have a slopey chin but it's gotten better with weight loss and maybe weight training. I try not to focus on the negatives. You're young. Remember that there is only one like you--you! Celebrate it.

Yes. I believe it is.

Great advice and very uplifting (no bra pun intended).

Speaking of necks... anyone have advice on a good neck cream. since losing some wait, my neck is the one thing that makes me look really old.