I apologize for the rant-y nature of this post.
I just got back home from seeing my bf and I am about to lose my mind. I have clinical depression which has been controlled for about 2 yrs now and I have anxiety which has never been addressed, at least not by a psychologist/psychiatrist. All of this runs in my family. However, food and my body image has now come to the forefront and I am feeling it really bad right now. I have anxiety attacks in class because I hate the way I look (and I've lost 70+ pds, its insane!!!). I alternate between trying to be healthy and having anorexic tendencies. I am in a really bad state and I need the support of a close one right now.
I went to my bf's house after a day of beating myself up. As I walk to the door he says, "Is that what you wore to school?". Now, he didn't know that I had spent the better part of the day in self hatred so I can't get too mad. But the way he said it hurt me.
I tried to talk to him about some of my issues without breaking down but I simply couldn't find the words to explain it. He's a man. And I'm not saying men do not struggle with this, they do. But he definitely doesn't. He got so frustrated with me trying to explain that he just butted in,"Is this about the weight loss? Ok, just don't do it anymore, forget it." I tried to explain if it were that simple, I'd be ok but he wouldn't have it. Then he said, "Why don't you just be like (a mutual girl friend of ours) and eat whatever you want and not care about the way you look or what you eat."
This killed me. I don't know why, but I had had it. It was enough to send me overboard and I just left. I know he said it out of frustration but it's not fair and I just can't get the way I feel into his head.
I don't know if these feelings will ever end. And I don't think his reaction was appropriate. But then again, I don't know anymore. Any advice would be so much appreciated.