I don't see anything inherently wrong with it, probably not only because of my education and experience, but because I was raised in a somewhat "kissy-touchy" family (even though oddly enough, I'm one of the more reserved in the family when it comes to spontaneous hugs, rough-housing, etc).

I have a bachelor's degree and masters degree in psychology and in my jobs had a lot of training in cultural differences when it comes to things like personal space and physical contact. I've also always had an interest in cultural, subcultural, ethnocentric, and regional differences in etiquette and taboos.

As a result, I try to be very aware of people's "comfort level" because not everyone likes being touched. And on the other hand, some people won't trust someone who is too stand-offish by their own cultural definitions (we learned a lot about that when I was in law-enforcement. Because in some cultures, when a person is trying to be respectful or apologetic, they get closer and closer to the other person, yet to most (in the USA) it's a violation of personal space and often is perceived as a threat).



In some cultures, it's not uncommon to kiss even strangers in greeting, even men kissing other men, even strangers on the lips as a greeting. Even in the USA, there are regional, social, ethnocentric, and individual differences, so "normal" and "appropriate" are relative terms.

Propriety and etiquette are in the eye of the beholder, and because there can be so many different perspectives, even within a majority culture, I think it makes more sense to assume the best, BUT communicate your own preferences. If someone does something you are incomfortable with, or you would like them to change, communicate it - ideally without blame or accusation. If the person doesn't respect YOUR preferences, and doesn't try to accomodate you, you may have to get more assertive about it, but you don't have to start out assuming the person's intent is disrespectful.

Im on the fence with this. While I think that it's wrong and an invasion of personal space, there are some situations and circumstances (as others have described) when it is acceptable.

I personally would have felt uncomfortable and I'm FAR from being a prude/square (if this is even the right word to use). I guess it all depends on how you felt about it. It didn't bother you, then ok. It bothered your GF, then it probably shouldnt happen again. I can relate to your GF, I would be PISSED if a woman at the gym did that to my man lol.

I wouldn't worry about it unless it continues to happen/starts to bother you as I've seen lots of trainers/sports people do this.



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Girl, guy, straight, gay it doesn't matter it is inappropriate and unprofessional.

Hey IM,
So not professional at all!!!! Me thinks she spanked a girl & she liked it! If you are uncomfortable I would drop her as your trainer. She is suppose to train you & I highly doubt "@ss slap 101" was part of her training!

I have to agree that it was not professional, but I doubt that she meant anything by it. It was probably an impulse thing. If it happens again, I'd have to address it.

Lin

Totally inappropriate and unprofessional. Doesn't matter if you are gay or she is gay. You are paying her to deliver a service. That makes you her customer/client. Professionals do not put their hands on customers and do not behave in this manner.

I go to a gym where there are a lot of trainers and I have never seen any of them slap their clients on the butt.

If you and the trainer are friends outside of the gym, it may be okay. But if your relationship is strictly client and trainer, it was out of bounds in my opinion. I honestly wouldn't be comfortable if someone did that to me and if someone did that to my husband I'd be really ticked. I can understand your girlfriend's perspective on this one.

i'm going to chime in and say "inappropriate for a professional but okay between good friends" too. you are not paying your trainer to be your friend, or to joke like that with you. i would say it's doubly inappropriate because she knows you are in a relationship and that crosses some lines, considering you aren't at that level of friendship with your trainer.

i hope you get things sorted out. and i'll keep my fingers crossed that it was a one shot deal and she won't put you in that situation again.

Thanks everyone, some really great advice. I'm such a knob with my emotions that I don't know exactly how I feel until afterwards. At the time I was simply in shock, like what the heck??? Then after sitting with it for a bit, I got uncomfortable, and I still am.

I think I'm going to see if she doe anything else and will have to address it right away cause this is suppose to be just a trainer/trainee relationship. We have nothing else outside of the gym.

I agree wholeheartedly with this!

I totally agree with apostrophe. Also I think by playing up on gender stereotypes ("you thought it was a gross guy, right?") she was trying to minimize your reaction. If you were going to buy a TV and the salesman were to slap you on the arse, I don't think he'd get that sale! Ugh. I hate how we're trained to give people the benefit of the doubt even when something makes us uncomfortable. You're justified in feeling so! I would definitely say something if it happens again.

I understand people's boundaries are different but it would never occur to me to act like that with someone who is paying me for any service anymore than it would occur to me to go over and smack a coworker. Oy.

i think just confront it and if anything use your gf as your scapegoat in a way. but if its bothering you i think you should definetly say something.

That likely wouldn't bother me, to be honest it just depends on the context of the relationship. If it were a trainer who was a close friend, sure. If it were strictly a professional relationship, with no personal element, it would be much more awkward. But again, I'm pretty slow to declare sexual harassment or anything else - I think it takes a lot of humor and personality out of human interaction and adds in an often unnecessary element of caution, for fear of litigation. When it comes to body parts, I know my friends and I are quite liberal - there is a lot of butt slapping, boob poking, and general horsing around. But there are also boundaries of professionalism that should be observed unless it is explicitly stated otherwise, in a business contract. That would be where I'd see this going wrong.

If you're not bothered, I wouldn't stress about it, but if you wish to comply with your partner's wishes on this I'd jut clarify the boundaries of the relationship with the trainer the next time you see her, and request that she keep her hands to herself unless she is correcting your form.