Quote:
Originally Posted by Petite Powerhouse
I really feel compelled to say something at this point about the way the issues of featherweights and the issues of the considerably overweight are always so carefully divided. And that something is:
It's really not that simple.
I'm sorry, but it isn't. I have been working on staying at a normal weight for 25 years. Twenty-five years!! In college I went through a period of anorexia. I also went through a period after college where pretty much all I did was work out. They call that anorexia athletica.
I have fought to lose weight year after year. And, then, when my weight would go back up, I fought to stay under 129.
Just because I never let myself get overweight does not mean that I haven't gone through H-E-double hockey sticks (because apparently you can't type the actual word here). I have. I finally feel like I am on a path where I am healthy and fit and comfortable with myself, but it took me most of my life to really get there.
So, I'm sorry, but being a featherweight is not all about vanity pounds. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Many of us have body dysmorphic disorder. Many of us have struggled to control our weight our whole lives. Many of us have lost and regained the same 5 lbs. 100 or more times. No, it's not 100 pounds, but it's the same 5 lbs. 100 or more times.
If I hadn't fought that hard, I probably would have gained 100 pounds. The battle to lose can be exhausting and traumatic no matter what you weigh.
So, do I think I am fat? No. Have I ever really thought I was fat? No. But I have been hypercritical of myself for most of my life. I have lived with that every single day. And I have kicked my own behind year in and year out—and have beaten up my heart and my soul along with it—to make sure I never had to face the reality of actually being overweight.
It hasn't been easy, by any means. And it has NEVER been something that I did because I was vain. And so, no, in answer to the unspoken question: I do not feel guilty or silly or wrong for worrying about a starting weight that so many here don't even have as a goal. I feel a little tortured. I feel a little tired. I feel a little sad that I do have this need to be perfect, and always have. But I don't feel like I should be embarrassed or sheepish or apologetic at all. I just feel like everyone else that I know: I feel like I'm still working on becoming the best version of myself that I can be—and that includes being happy in my own skin.
I don't think anyone is trying to trivialize the experiences of someone who hasn't been overweight but has fought smaller amounts pounds (i.e. a true featherweight in that sense) but we're highlighting the differences between someone who has always been within the normal weight range vs someone who has been overweight or even obese.
It's hard to understand if you've never been there. I find that I can sympathize with both featherweights and those in the 100lb club because
I've been there. I know how it feels to be stigmatized, ostracized and made to feel like less of a person because you are truly fat. I know the struggle of trying to be healthy and get to the gym when you have no !@$@# idea how to do it. Yet I also know how it is to be at a healthy weight and have stubborn pounds that you know you need to lose and how when you're short each pound truly does make a difference. I know how to be healthy and the joys of weight lifting, challenging my body, feeling stronger and watching as I the muscle I worked hard to build is finally revealed. I know how it feels to always "want to lose more."
That said, I think we're all a lot more similar than we realize. I mean, yes, a person who has 100lbs to lose would look at a featherweight and scoff because they can't even imagine being in the healthy weight range and wanting to lose more, but chances are both groups have similar goals and start losing weight, getting fit,
whatever it is because they are unhappy with the way they are.
We all work hard—it's a never ending battle to stay in shape and make sure you're healthy. I anticipate to be struggling and watching my weight my entire life. While a featherweight might be fighting to stay away from being overweight period—I'm fighting to stay away from it because I know how it is and don't want to experience it again.
Like you I don't think it's being vain to want to be a certain weight or stay within a certain range. If I was completely vain I'd be running to a plastic surgeon to get rid of this extra skin and stretch marks. But I not, I just want to be healthy and feel comfortable in my body.
I think as a society we've become a bit too comfortable with extra poundage and a sedentary lifestyle. We're "obsessed" if we go to the gym more than once in a while and we're freaks if we avoid certain vices to ensure health. Not to mention us women are told not to lift weights because we might "bulk up!" ugh!
I'm kind of rambling now, but my views have really changed since I got down in the lower weights. At first I couldn't stand the featherweights forum, but as I dropped weight, became more critical of my body and pushed myself physically, I realized how much of a struggle it was no matter WHERE you are in your journey to health.