The past few days have been really rough on me and I don't really have people in my life that I can talk to about this, so I thought it would be safe to post on a forum that's kind of anonymous.
So, almost 5 months ago, I found out that my husband was cheating on me. We've been together for 7.5 years, but only married for 1, and now separated for like five months. I was completely and totally devastated. During our marriage, he had become really ill and was unable to control his anger so he'd been acting out to try and feel in control and stuff he was doing included cheating, not really getting along with people in my family, and being verbally abusive toward me when we fought. The fights were getting more frequent and when I found out his cheating was at the core of it, I was devastated. But, when things got really out of control, there was an intervention and his family and my family sort of tried to get him to talk about the problem. It went very badly and he became really angry and kind of violent. So, we ended up separated. Because family was involved our communication was all messed up and we weren't really able to talk at all, just sometimes over email when everything got even worse. Now, he says he hates me for ruining his life because his family knows all about the stuff he was doing and is giving him a hard time. All I asked him for is an apology and to talk to me without cursing me out, but he refuses and is just denying everything because he thinks that if he can have a tantrum long enough, it will all just go away. I keep hoping he will get better, will calm down, and will make some effort at trying to fix our relationship that doesn't involve me taking all the blame for misunderstanding his intentions and being unable to conceal his actions.
Mostly, our relationship had been really good so this came from out of left field and I am totally devastated. He was my best friend. I miss him so much every day and life just feels really, really empty without him.
Dieting and taking diet pills and stuff like that and now it's that time of the month, so I'm really emotional or something, but I can't stop crying. I've been crying for like 3 days now. I thought I was feeling a little stronger, but it just all came flooding back after my birthday and I'm so miserable right now. I wish I could just call him and ask him why he won't make an effort to do something other than just blame me, but I know that won't help anything, so I don't. It just feels completely hopeless and I am so sad because I miss him and I wish he would call and I know he won't. But, I was just really really sad and needed to vent.
Anyway, feel free to comment if you want to. Mostly, I just needed to say it aloud because I've been trying to put on a brave face for everyone and it's just eating me alive.