I know I've been gone for a while, but I've just been maintaining. I want to lose these last pounds, but over the holidays I've been more relaxed and my running has been cut back since the weathers been cold.
For anyone that doesn't remember, my DH is obese, and I've posted here and there about his weight and health issues. I've done all I can do to get him to join me when I was doing the bulk of my losing, but he didn't. So about 3 weeks ago, I think he had his ah-ha moment. The doc gave his 3 months to start losing or he's going on diabetes meds. His sugar is high.
And so my husband started eating healthy and watching portions and exercising. He was doing great, he and I together, as long as I stayed on track...
So a few days ago, the urge to binge hit me. I get this usually once a month *hint hint*, and its probably a big part of my inability to lose the rest of my weight, because I binge A LOT for like 4-5 days. As soon as I went off plan, per say, my DH followed suit, like it was "permission" for him to go crazy too. He went to the store and bought an ice cream cake, ice cream, corn dogs, cheese and crackers and order pizza....OMG, the past few days have been a crap fest here. And I've noticed, he kind of waits to see if I "mis eat" like eat some ice cream cake after lunch, then he'll have some.
I don't feel like I'm explaining this correctly, but its like he does what I do. If I get back on track, so does he. And he doesn't INITIATE getting back on track. Its like he just keeps binging, never saying "hey lets stop this"...he waits for me to say "I'm going to stop"...the worst part is, Me, having dealt with this binging for years and years, I know, to only buy SMALL portions of binge food, the smaller the portion, the sooner its gone....but he went out and bought a f**king cake, really?!?!?! I get mad because I have a hard enough time keeping myself from binging. Then he joins me and buys tons of crap. (I'll go buy a Ben & Jerrys, so once that's gone I'm done, and I'll buy ONE thing....he buys enough for a party of people).I want him to be the strong one sometimes, to NOT buy crap, not not give in and feed the binge by coming home with buckets of garbage.
The problem is I'm not dealing with health issues. If I go off healthy eating for a few days, the worst thing is I feel crappy, but I'm not prediabetic, or high cholesterol...my DH has both. So now I feel like I can't screw up (eat crappy) because its effecting him.
This was a ramble, I know. I'm not saying its ok for me to binge, but my binges have always been my binges, and the damage done was only to myself, but now they are the "all clear" for my husband to binge. I don't want to be responsible for someone elses binge. And my husband, who wasn't really a binger, since he just over ate all the time, he never really binged, but now with him watching his food intake and saying "no" to certain foods, when he does go off plan, he does binge. And somehow I've become the ring leader. I swear I don't drag him into it. I don't say anything, I just buy a single serving of said junk for and eat it. Actually he's working today, so I've been binging today, knowing I can do it without him seeing me and joining in. I feel guilty when he joins in, like I'm somehow making his health worse....