So my in-laws are really weird. Like, social-disorder weird. I don't know how my husband managed to escape it, but my MIL and SIL are both very nice, but very timid, and seem very, very uncomfortable all the time. For example, my MIL is paranoid that asking people questions is "invasive" so in the four years I've known her, she has never asked me how my job is going, how my week was, etc. She will listen if I volunteer the information, but she won't ask follow-up questions or initiate the conversation. It is hard to get used to, and I am frankly exhausted of trying to hold conversations with people who never ask me any questions back and who respond to my inquiries with one-word answers. It's exhausting.
SIL has a boyfriend and lives out of town. MIL, DH and I went to visit SIL and boyfriend after the holidays (MIL's idea, I wasn't too thrilled about going, but it was MIL's bday and I was trying to be a good sport). I thought everything went ok, but when MIL was alone with SIL and her boyfriend, SIL and Boyfriend told MIL that they are very uncomfortable around me and DH. They said it was because DH and I are "so opinionated that they feel like they can't talk about anything without making it a confrontation." To be honest, I have no idea what they're talking about. They seemed like they were ok around me, even having a good time, and I have NEVER discussed anything contentious, like religion or politics or even current events (they have no interest in anything other than sports and alcohol) with them, so I'm not really sure how they get the impression that I am so "opinionated." And apparently, Boyfriend was VERY offended by me telling him that I thought his new job sounded like something I was not interested in doing (I asked him about it and he was telling me I should consider it). We see SIL and Boyfriend maybe twice a year- I guess I don't understand why they can't just deal with it, since, to be fair, they're really not my cup of tea, either.
MIL had a sit-down with DH about it and told him what SIL had said, I guess with the idea that it would help their relationship. Now, I'm just pissed about the whole thing- all it made me think of was that they had all been sitting around talking behind my back, and MIL (who dislikes Boyfriend but would not tell him or SIL that) didn't even defend me. Since they are all so cowed, it seems like a confrontation is kind of out of the question, but in my family, that's how we would deal with it- there'd be a knock-down, drag-out fight, everyone would be steamed for a couple hours and then we'd have gotten it off our chests and gotten to the bottom of it.
So what do I do? I feel silly, but I kind of feel like I can't just let it go. I'm hurt and irritated, and I don't think I can act "normal" around them. I feel like if I'm so offensive, maybe I should just stop trying to carry on conversations and just sit at the dinner table with my arms crossed and staring at everyone, like they do. DH is annoyed about this, too, but I think he's used to them dealing with things this way, and frankly, I think he's about ready to write all of them off. I'm not sure that's very reasonable.